SOS
by Alice von wonderland
Summary: When the unthinkable happens to Mello, it's up to Matt to save him, but how is that possible when Mello's greatest fear is being touched? MattXMello Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: When the unthinkable happens to Mello, it's up to Matt to save him. But how can Matt bring Mello out of his shell again when Mello's strongest fear in the world is being touched?

Chapter Number: #1

Author Note: Takes place while Mello and Matt are both in America, never been to Japan, can't write about what goes on in Japan. This isn't a very dark fic, even though it's plotted out to be. There's more Matt trying to comfort an overly traumatized Mello. Meaning, lots of cute Matt X Mello fluff scenes. However, for the first few chapters there will be no sexual intercourse between Mello and Matt. Basically saying, it's a cutsie fic with an extremely dark beginning.

It'd been five weeks since Matt had heard from him last. He'd said he had to deal with one more suspect and he would be home. For Mello that could mean minutes, hours, or days, but never weeks. It was strange, but the Kira case was a strange case, so Matt didn't worry. After all, Mello had a way of just vanishing off the face of the earth from time to time. It was only natural for him to go missing. However, this very train of thought was what, at the moment, Mello was fearing the most..

It'd been five weeks since Mello was walking home, tired of the stress caused by the case, and tired of hearing all of the people cheering and supporting a mass murderer. Five weeks since a crazed man grabbed him from behind and drug him off to a deserted alley way and proceeded to beat the shit out of him until he was unconscious and then drag him off. Five long weeks since he'd woken up, stripped down to null the only things on him were a pair of handcuffs, in an empty cement garage, alone in the cold dark. Thirty five days since he'd come face to face with his attacker who claimed he wanted a woman, but a pretty little sissy boy would do. 840 hours since he'd been beaten by the crazed man during an attempt to escape and then repeatedly raped by the bastard. An act that to that very day and minute had failed to cease...

It seemed as if every four or less hours the man would come and find some way to injure Mello in a new place not yet injured before and then molest him for at least an hour up to four hours at a time. The man kept Mello only hand cuffed at first, but after ten failed escape attempts and three broken ribs later Mello found himself in shackles as well.

During the five weeks of imprisonment and torture Mello had been fed once, and only because he'd agreed to 'behave' and perform sex acts on six of his captors friends, all of them males...And watered but once a day, and only three spoonfuls of water.

In one week Mello began to fear the man with everything he had in him, body, mind, and soul. And in less than three he began to fear all of the people that he saw. And in the entire five weeks, Mello began to fear everything. Any loud sound meant someone was coming to hurt him, any object he'd see was used as a punishment tool. Everything from pieces of paper and light bulbs to nails, staples, and scissors. He feared anything that entered the garage, his prison...Anything and everything frightened him, and he hated it.

Despite everything that happened Mello still held onto his pride as if for dear life. He would try his best to suppress whimpers and screams from the misery induced on him by his keeper, but only ever managed to save his tears for after he was sure the man was gone and not coming back. He'd managed to keep everyone from seeing him cry and was not about to allow this jack ass to see him break down.

Mello had found a favorite spot on in the cold garage... The one place where he hadn't been violated...The far left corner. When all acts were done and everyone had left, he'd curl into the fetal position trying to get some warmth, hide his face in the corner, and press his body as close to the wall as he could trying to get as far away from the door as possible.

That's where he lay now. Alone, in the dark, at least for the moment.

The dim light clicked on.

"Hey Doll, what are you doing way over there? Get over here!" Doll, his acquired pet name by his captor. The man knew how Mello was about that one spot, how he felt about that one spot. He had had many spots. And the man knew that every time he took one of those spots away by raping him there, Mello would go into a panic, and the sex would be bad until the prisoner found a new spot. And with that being the last spot...well...there'd be no clue as to what would happen to the little blonde captive.

Mello rolled over to look at the man, the man he despised and feared. With a grunt of pain, three un attended broken ribs, several bruised bones, countless infected flesh wounds, and a sore and tired 'sex hole' , as his captor called it, were very difficult to get moving without a fresh jolt of pain with every attempt, Mello began crawling to a neutral area of the garage floor, trying to squirm away from his spot, but not too far knowing that if it hurt to get away from it before sex, it was going to be even worse trying to get back.

Not an inch of the floor went without a splatter of Mello's blood. It had become a decoration of sort, like paint on the floor. Even some of the walls were decorated with the red liquid, and after one cruel, sick act, some of his blood managed to get splattered on the high ceiling.

"I said come here!" The man emphasized his words by flashing the metallic buckle on his belt. A silent warning that if Mello didn't obey, that large piece of Metal would be beat into him.

Mello did as instructed, grunting and whimpering as he dragged himself towards his keeper. A sick man with a twisted grin and numerous friends and sex toys...actually...to this man...everything was a sex toy. As close as he got to the man and the threat to back up the man's order, Mello did not inch past the center of the garage, he never did.

"That's a good boy." The man came the rest of the way towards Mello. Yet another thing Mello learned to fear. Anyone coming near him. If they came close enough to make physical contact he would be hurt and he knew it.

The man grabbed him painfully up by the bangs of his hair lifting him to his knees. That's when he first saw it. The man had a cell phone in his pocket. Mello wasn't stupid, he knew better than to ogle at it or try to grab at it, he just looked away the instant he saw it and stared up at his captor with unwillingly fearful eyes.

"I noticed it a while back, that your sex hole was getting raw and less enjoyable for me...because of that...I had to tell a few friends that they couldn't come over to play with you today." 

"Th-thank you," Mello said weakly, his voice, though tired and strained from yelling, held a great amount of bitterness as it recited it's trained response.

"But this also means that I can't enjoy you for myself the way I like to...so you're going to have to be extra good with your mouth today and not bite. If I'm unsatisfied you'll get beaten and you won't be watered for three days. And on top of that I'll make sure all of my friends come to play with you." The man violently tugged on Mello's hair causing an involuntary whimper to seep past his lips. "Are you going to bite me?" Mello shook his head, defeated, and the grasp on his hair disappeared. "Now don't move and I'll get you some water. Extra water today...you look sick." The man chuckled and left.

/no shit asshole I've looked sick for days. if you'd feed me I'd be more attractive!/ Mello's mind begged to scream these words, but he held his tongue, he could not fight this man. He hadn't the energy nor the will anymore.

When the man returned he had a full bottle of water, some generic brand of purified water, heaven in a bottle. Mello couldn't take his eyes off of it.

"Do you want this, Doll?" Mello nodded and stared at the man, pleading with his eyes. "Then who am I to deny you of what you desire most in this world?" The man un capped the bottle and held it to Mello's lips. He tipped the bottle slowly watching as if amazed at how Mello managed to get every drop into his mouth and down his throat, emptying the bottle in less than ten graceless gulps. "That's a good boy, don't waste any of it." Even after the bottle was empty the man watched amused as Mello desperately tried to lap up every drop his tongue could reach.

When the man tried to pull the empty bottle from Mello's lip, he grabbed it with he's teeth and held onto it, trying to get all he could, still thirsty, trying to substitute water for food. The man's hand connected with Mello's cheek in one swift blow that left Mello on the floor, whimpering as his broken ribs stabbed against organs and flesh.

"No water! Three days!" The man yelled, Mello stared at him hurt. Was it really unexpected of him to be completely against letting the bottled heaven leave his lips? The man pulled Mello up by the hair again, back on his knees. The man undid his fly and Mello's eyes brushed past the cell phone again. As the pants sagged to the bottom of the crazy bastards ass, the cell phone was pushed slightly out of the pocket, even more exposed. Once again Mello refused to allow himself to focus on it. Instead, he focused ninety percent of his attention on the member that was being forced into his mouth. The other ten percent was pretending that the member belonged to Matt.

Mello was secretly superstitious. As long as he had been held captive he believed that it was because he'd left his rosary at his and Matt's apartment. He believed that because of that little fact, God was no longer looking out for him. But while his captor was in ecstasy as he prepared to orgasm, it was as if God had just come back suddenly.

For some reason, as he began to cum, the man stuffed his hands into his pockets which somehow made the cell phone fall free. But what surprised Mello the most was that the man didn't even notice. Mello made a mental note that when the man was completely finished, he would make sure to fall onto that cell phone to block it from view as the man left.

His plan went well. The man forced him to swallow, pushed him over violently, spectacularly with his hair completely covering the little object from view, pulled up his pants and left. Not forgetting to turn off the light.

Mello trembled hard. Could it be possible that he had fooled this man? That he had taken the cell phone without the man noticing? Was it possible that he could finally be set free?

The man was somewhat kind to Mello. He noted how much Mello panicked if his arms were held behind his back, so he allowed them to be cuffed in front of him, allowing Mello enough movement to open the cell phone and dial the only number he knew was safe.

First instinct would be the police, but the police were searching for someone of his description at the time being. He couldn't trust them, but he could trust a certain red-head chain smoker who he happened to love...a lot.

The phone rang four times. /Please God, Matt. Answer the phone. Stop playing your game for five minutes and answer the phone. I don't think I'll have time to try to call you back. The man will know his phone is missing sooner or later and he'll come here first to get it. Please answer...please!/

"Yo." That familiar, neutral voice. Matt... for once in his life, Matt had answered the phone after being called only once. God was with him.

"Matt...I-it's Mello. I-i need your help." Seven words spoken and Mello's voice was already tired.

"What is it Mello? Where the hell have you been? You sound awful, did you catch a cold?" It was so like Matt to take nothing seriously.

"Matt...please help me. I-I don't know where I am. Some guy...jumped me a really long time ago. You have to come get me out of here..."

"Mello? Hold on a second and I'll be able to figure out where you are."

"I don't have a second...Matt. He'll know I have his phone, Matt. He'll find me, and he'll hurt me again. He'll kill me this time for sure. Hurry..." Mello heard various noises in the background. Computers starting, boxes being opened and tossed around. Thirty long, terrifying seconds later and Matt replied.

"Alright, Mello. I know where you are. I've traced the phone to some guy's house. Tell me, where is he keeping you? What can you see?" Matt sounded worried and a smile almost covered Mello's lips. Matt loved him.

"I-I can't see anything. B-but I know that I'm in a garage." Mello whimpered, feeling his consciousness start to slip. He knew the by getting excited about reaching Matt had drained important energy.

"Mello, you aren't too far from here, I should be there in about fifteen minutes. Can you hold out that long, or should I risk speeding on the freeway?" Even though it sounded like a joke, Matt was being serious.

"Please hurry. A-and when you get here...the man...is always armed with...some..." a long pause "thing." Mello closed the phone and let out a sigh. Matt was coming for him. Matt was strong and powerful. Matt could beat the man, at least now that he knew what to expect. He left the phone on the floor and crawled back to his spot in the corner against the wall where he lay no longer even tried to hold onto consciousness. It wasn't worth it. Matt was coming. He was safe. The man would see the phone right away if he came into the room, but there's always the chance of the slight thought that Mello was too afraid to use it and crawled away from it. It was unlikely that if he'd called the police that he would go to sleep and wait for them to come. No, he'd want to be awake for that.

Mello awoke to the sound of the door being swung open and the light clicking on. it wasn't Matt. He knew that. It was his captor, and at that moment, Mello feared death.

"So that's where my phone went. You didn't call anyone did you, Doll?" Mello rolled over and stared at the man.

"Yes," he said. There was no point in denying the obvious. The man's face contorted with anger.

"Who the fuck did you call!?" The man picked up his phone and opened it, searching for the last dialed number.

"He called me." A thick voice. The man turned around fast, clutching for the pocket knife he always had on him, but it was too late. Matt swung down a bat and crashed it into the man's skull leaving the man on the floor, looking dazed and clueless. At least for the moment. "Mello, are you alright?" One glance and his words changed, his temper flared. "God damn! Mello! What the hell did he do to you?!" Matt glared down at the man at his feet. With hate in his eyes he began thrashing the man again with the bat, fueled by the horrid images of Mello, bound and bleeding, and half dead on the floor, Matt bashed the man's skull in at, at least, two different places before he delivered his final blow, killing the man.

He dropped the bat. He wasn't the type of man to kill people. He didn't like to kill people, but nothing gave him more pleasure than killing that man. That sick man who hurt Mello. He stared at the floor, not wanting to look at Mello, his lover and best friend, laying there half dead.

"Matt...help me out...come on...move." Mello stared at him. Wanting desperately for Matt to come for him, but fearing greatly each step Matt would take towards him, each movement Matt would make to touch him.

"Mello...Wh-what did you let him hurt you for!?" Mello smiled weakly, knowing that the question was Matt's way of trying to making sure it was really Mello he was looking at, not an illusion or a mirage. "God..." Matt looked around at the garage. All of the blood and the obvious splotches of something else. "Mello...i-is a-all of this b-blood..."

"It's mine," Mello said, numbly as if he had spoken no more than an answer to a simple math problem.

"Oh god Mello!" Matt walked over to Mello as quickly as he could, wanting to find someway to take the horrid look of despair out of his lovers eyes. He barely noted how Mello turned his hip preventing Matt from seeing his groin. It wasn't something that Matt had never seen before, it was just...the fear. Mello was afraid to let Matt look at him. At the moment Matt was no more than a stranger. And who in the world wanted a stranger to look at the sex organs?

Matt kneeled on the floor in front of Mello and caressed his cheek gently, his eyes scanning the body, taking in every bruise and wound. Without thinking he made a feeble attempt to embrace the flesh and bone figure before him, only to have Mello jerk back violently in an attempt to break free of the touch.

Mello trembled and breathed heavily. He didn't want to back away from Matt, but he didn't want to be touched either. But most of all he didn't want to hurt Matt, who looked completely devastated, not understanding why Mello wouldn't allow him to hug him.

"M-my ribs. H-he broke three of my ribs, I-It hurts. I'm sorry." Mello stared at Matt helplessly. "I need a doctor Matt. I need them to remove the ribs and that's all. Once they fix that I'll sneak out. I can fix wounds, but... bones I can't." Mello whimpered and Matt nodded, still hurt.

"Where are the keys?" He said, pointing at the handcuffs. Mello shook his head. "Can you walk?" He asked, knowing the answer the instant he spotted the shackles.

"Barely." Mello tried to avoid looking into Matt's eyes. They looked so devastated and confused. Like a lost puppy trying to seek shelter in a rain storm.

"Can I carry you?" Matt asked, a hopeless look in his eyes. A hopelessness different from Mello's.

Mello nodded. "Just, be gentle...you know?" Matt tried desperately to prevent Mello any discomfort, but it was next to impossible. Mello's back had been torn to shreds, obviously by whips, and two of the broken ribs Matt could feel stabbing into his forearm as he lifted Mello up, knowing that they were none pressing against organs inside of Mello causing him to be hurt. There was no way around causing him discomfort.

"I-I'll take you to the living room. He has a large couch I can lay you there and try to find something to get the chains off you." Chains. Mello knew Matt only said it to shelter himself from the reality that Mello was in cuffs and shackles like a slave.

Mello wanted to say no, to tell Matt not to leave him alone, that he'd been left alone for too long, but he decided against it. Matt was already panicked enough, he didn't need more stress.

Matt did as he said he would. left Mello on the couch, returned to the garage, locked the door so if, by some satanic miracle, the man had somehow survived and would be able to get up and attack, he'd be locked in. He then returned to Mello and began looking over the locks on the 'chains,' as he called them.

"Simple," Matt said. Despite the softness of his voice Mello still flinched at the suddenness of the words. Matt frowned. "I can pick both of them with a bobby pin. Think he has any?" Mello breathed heavily, Matt was unsure as you why.

"H-he does," Mello said, a tremor running down his spine. Even bobby pins were sex toys for the crazed man.

"I'll be right back, I'll check his room." Matt offered Mello a weak smile and turned and searched the upstairs for the man's room. It took him ten minutes to return, six bobby pins, just incase some break. Mello panicked at the mere sight of the tiny metal hair accessories.

The instant Matt placed one on the bobby pins in the lock to the handcuffs Mello jerked back against the couch hard trying to get away from the tiny wire. He began breathing unevenly, his eyes filled with fear.

/He's changed so much.../ Matt thought sadly. /That man hurt him so much that he's actually afraid of something, and not even trying to hide it either... Mello.../ Despite how much Mello tried to pull away from the pins, Matt managed to undo the locks on both hands, smiling at the tiny fact that the cuffs hadn't been clicked on so tight that they broke the skin. It didn't even look as if Mello had been cuffed. But the shackles were different. Too many times Mello had jerked his leg causing the metal to dig into his skin, breaking the flesh open and allowing them to bleed and then get infected after the metal was repeatedly rubbed against the wounds.

"There, your completely free now. Do you know if he kept your clothes Mello? The last thing I want to do is put you in that sick fuck's clothes.

"I don't know Matt. But I'm cold." Mello stared at Matt emptily. Matt looked at his feet and then back at Mello's dull eyes.

"I'll tell you what Mello. This guy has a nice bathtub. I'll get you a bath ready and clean you up a bit alright? I mean, I can't take you to the hospital looking like this." It was the truth, most of Mello's skin was tinted red from blood, an easy fix.

"A-aright." Mello found himself even more reluctant to let Matt leave his sight again to prepare the bath, and even more fear as Matt picked him up again to carry him up the stairs to the awaiting bath. With each thing that Mello saw he flinched, some things he recognized, other things he didn't, but all were equally intimidating.

When the bathtub came into view Mello began panicking again. He knew the bath would do nothing but help him, but something about it scared him. Maybe it was the involuntary flashes of images in his mind of Matt drowning him. Matt would never even think to hurt him, but Mello was unsure of everything now. He was unsure of that bathtub, and of Matt.

The instant one of his feet touched the skin of the water Mello jerked back against Matt, his sudden jolt causing Matt to loose his balance and fall backwards, in the end drooping Mello who managed to slam his head on the sink on his way down.

Mello, yelped and whimpered, like a dog that had been beaten. He squirmed over to the corner formed by the bathtub and the wall and stayed there trembling.

"Mello! Are you alright?" Matt placed a hand on Mello's shoulder only to hear Mello gasp and tense up. "I'm so sorry Mello, I didn't expect you to flinch so badly." Mello said nothing. He'd found a new 'spot' and didn't want to move away from it. Not for anything, not even for Matt. "Mello..." Mello sighed softly as if to signal that he knew Matt was there. "You have to get in the tub Mello." Matt attempted to pull Mello from the corner as gently as he could only to hear Mello let out what sounded like a choked sob. "Mello? Did you get hurt? What's wrong with you?" Matt whimpered a little and Mello knew that Matt was trying not to cry himself. Matt never cried about anything, like Mello, but it was obvious that stress and hurt was eating away at him like termites on a wooden deck.

"I'm sorry...I-I got scared. Th-that's all." Mello turned his head away from the corner and looked back at Matt who had pulled his goggles down over his eyes, darkening them to make it harder to see if he was crying already or not. "Did you get hurt?"

"No! I'm fine." Matt forced a smile and reached to touch Mello's hair only to have the blonde jerk away. The smile vanished instantly.

"I can get into a bath myself you know?" Mello said, trying to take on his old personality. It barely worked, he didn't feel like himself. Weakly he tried to stand on his own, Matt supporting him like a crutch. One of his loose ribs stabbed at his insides causing him to whimper loudly and real with pain, but once he sat down in the tub the bone shifted to where he barely felt its presence at all.

Almost instantly the water turned a shade of pink which began darkening as Matt gently rubbed Mello's skin with a wash cloth, working off the dried blood. After a complete ten minutes the watered had turned a transparent red that made Matt's stomach churn. Mello had fallen unconscious.

After draining and refilling the tub twice, the water had finally turned just a very pale translucent pink from the fresh wounds Mello had acquired from Matt rubbing off infected scabs. With Mello asleep things became easier. As he dried Mello off to the best of his abilities he didn't have to worry about Mello getting frightened and flinching and managing to hurt himself.

He found six rolls of gauze and several boxes of Band-Aids in the bathroom cupboard. Matt propped Mello up against the wall and proceeded to disinfect all open wounds he could find with hydrogen peroxide and wrap Mello's entire back, nearly every lash wound had been reopened and needed bandaged, and six other sever wounds on Mello's arms and legs. Only ten minor wounds were found that needed Band-Aids.

Matt carried the unconscious figure of his lover and friend to the bed room and placed him in the center of the bed to rest while he scoured the house for Mello's clothes. Miraculously enough, he found them in a spare bedroom that was filled with numerous whips and other sex toys that all appeared to be stained with blood, most likely Mello's. The thought was sickening.

He took the clothes and headed back to Mello and began dressing the blonde who still remained unconscious. With the pants in place Matt couldn't help but notice how much weight Mello'd lost being with the man. His pants were loose enough that without their belt that were sure to fall right past Mello's hips down to the floor. The belt had to be tightened four notches past where Mello usually kept it. The thought was sad.

With all wounds hidden behind clothes, and Mello's face completely unharmed, he looked just like his old self, but one thing was missing. Matt pulled the rosary out of his pocket and twisted it around Mello's hand, not wanting to place anything around Mello's neck. Even in his sleep Mello fought against anything that even caressed the flesh of his neck.

Before turning to leave the room, Matt placed a soft kiss on Mello's parted lips only to have Mello whimper and roll over, scared, even in his sleep. He had been ruined.

Matt left the room and headed down to the kitchen. Mello had been starved, it was obvious, the least he could do for Mello now was give him something to eat and drink.

Opening the fridge Matt found numerous pieces of fresh food, unfortunately, nothing so simple as a TV dinner. Obviously the man was into fine dinning and had rich taste. Matt found numerous cook books hidden in the cupboard. He didn't want to do it, but he decided that it was more than necessary to at least attempt to make Mello a good meal. The poor guy deserved one.

It didn't need to be a big meal, but a decent one. And after thirty minutes of flipping through cook books and over twenty minutes of finding and measuring ingredients, Matt was prepared to attempt to make an edible dish all made from scratch.

In two and a half hours after all preparation was done Matt had managed to pull of a decent, unburnt meal for one. He chosen a seemingly simple main course, Chicken Cordon Bleu. It was, after all the only thing that he had all the ingredients to make. Two chicken breasts, compliments of the freezer, eight slices of Swiss cheese and small cutlets of ham, compliments of the fridge, a breaded coating made from cheap flour, paprika, and a little bit of some spice called dill weed that managed to get into the mix by accident. All in all making that main dish Matt managed to only get burnt twice. Once by oil from the skillet that it was fried in and a second time by bumping his wrist into the skillet when trying to flip over one of the folded up browning morsels. (He naturally removed his gloves to do the cooking as to not ruin them.)

For a quick side dish he found a fast and easy recipe for mashed potatoes that he some how managed to work on while attending the chicken in the skillet. He let the potatoes fit in as two sides. Usually one would have a main dish, mashed potatoes with some sort of vegetable as a second side, but no vegetables could be found and Mello wouldn't eat them anyway. He hated eating 'plants.' But Matt wasn't sure if that fact had changed. Mello was probably willing to eat anything.

Matt was carelessly, now tired of messing with food, throwing the food onto a plate when he heard Mello calling for him. Obviously terrified from waking up alone.

"I'm coming Mello!" Matt called loudly, but not quite a shout. He grabbed the plate, a fork, and two bottles of water out of the fridge, one for Mello and one for himself, and then headed briskly up the stairs to Mello. Mello who was no longer sitting on the bed, but huddled up in the far corner of the room, pressed up against the man's dresser. "Hey, Mello, guess what." Mello turned his head slowly towards Matt, eyes turning from frightened to pleading the instant he saw the plate of food. "It's not exactly the best but I made it for you. There wasn't any chocolate so there's no desert." He forced on a smile, but frowned quickly as he noticed how Mello refused to move. "Are you feeling any better?" Matt asked as he walked towards Mello who noticeably flinched at every step.

"Yeah... A-a lot better." Matt sat down on the floor next to Mello and sat the plate of food on the floor between them, not handing it to Mello knowing that he would flinch away from it. He did however hand him the fork, making sure that the point was facing down, not pointing towards the blonde that was already terrified enough. "Y-you made th-this for me?" Mello asked, accepting the fork after a moments hesitation. He eyed the bottles of water in Matt's other hand and reflexively grabbed one of them and uncapped it as fast as he could before drinking down nearly half of the bottle before Matt made him stop.

"You drink too much and you'll get sick. Try eating something, I worked hard on it for you." Mello smiled, an obviously forced smile, but it helped put Matt at ease. Mello was feeling well enough to crawl out of the bed and over to a corner, it proved that he wasn't in as bad of shape as he'd previously feared.

Mello stabbed at he chicken a few times before abandoning the fork by throwing it across the room and picking up the chicken with his hands and eating it that way. Eating liked the starved man he was, Mello nearly forgot to chew before swallowing.

He finished both pieces of chicken before he finally stopped eating to take another drink, this time finishing the bottle of water and staring at the one Matt had gotten for himself. Matt handed it to him glad to be of service. Mello picked lightly at the mashed potatoes but refused to eat more than three bites.

"Thank you, Matt," Mello said quietly before laying down on the floor, just barely missing the plate. "C-can I go back to sleep?" Mello asked, whimpering slightly, almost as if he expected Matt to tell him no.

"Of course, Mello." Matt grabbed the plate and attempted to stand only to have Mello gently grab onto his ankle, silently begging him to stay close by. "Mello, I'm just gonna take the plate downstairs. I'll be back in a second." Mello stared at him, his eyes pleading.

"No. Stay with me." Mello whimpered and Matt sat back down, placing the plate down a good distance away.

"Alright Mello. I won't leave you." Matt reached down slowly to stroke Mello's hair, and surprisingly, Mello didn't flinch. Instead he sighed and fell into unconsciousness once again. That's when Matt noticed it. Mello wasn't wearing his rosary. It wasn't on his hand where Matt had put it, and it didn't appear to be in either of Mello's pockets, so what had the blonde down with it.

He stood up, grabbing the two bottles of water and the plate, retrieved the fork and took them downstairs. Nearly the instant the dishes hit the sink Matt heard Mello scream. Fearing for the worst Matt sprinted back up the stairs to find Mello now huddled on the hallway, rather than where he'd been left.

"Mello? What's the Matter?" Matt went to put a hand only Mello's shoulder, Mello jerked away roughly, glaring coldly at Matt.

"You said that you weren't going to leave," Mello said, bitterly. "Aren't you aware that I've spent enough time all by myself? Where did you go?" After eating and a short fifteen minute nap, Mello's usual energy was restored.

"I'm sorry Mello. I'm trying to make it look less like someone else was here. It's gonna be hard enough getting out of here without being seen. Once someone stops in and sees that dead guy we're going to be main suspects. Oh yeah, where did you put your little crossy thing?" Little crossy thing meaning the rosary, Matt always called it everything but rosary, claimed that he didn't like the word rose.

"I put it over there," Mello said, pointing into the bedroom. "But don't go in there." Mello grabbed onto Matt's arm and held it as if for dear life.

"Why? What's in there?" Matt stared at Mello, knowing that there was no chance of anyone hiding in there, he'd already checked when he was searching for bobby pins.

"That bastards in there! He saw me. And he kept staring at me." Matt began wondering what Mello was even talking about. There was no chance that the man had survived being pummeled by the bat. Perhaps he was talking about a photograph.

Indeed, he was. Matt had managed to pry loose of Mello's grip and enter the room to retrieve Mello's rosary which Mello had left on the floor in front of the window. The man had a photo of himself with some woman on his dresser. It was a small picture and was surprised that Mello even noticed it.

"Here's your little crossy thing," Matt said, setting the rosary down on the floor in front of Mello who just picked it up and stuffed it into his pocket claiming that he didn't want anything to be around his neck.

Matt would've made an attempt to be more serious about the situation at hand, but he was sure that Mello didn't want him to be serious. To be serious at that time would cause Mello to stress, what he needed was something to make him laugh. It was obvious that he hadn't done much laughing in the past five weeks. Of course, Mello didn't laugh much, but at least usually once a day, mostly out of sick sense of humor.

"Do you want to leave Mello?" Matt asked with a blank expression.

"No shit! You think I wanna stay in this hell hole?" Mello managed to stand up weakly without Matt's help, obviously feeling a little stronger. "But I have to use the bathroom first." Mello walked weakly over to the open door of the bathroom.

Matt stayed in the hall, respecting Mello's privacy despite the fact that he didn't bother to shut the door. Trying not to pay any mind to the familiar sound of his boyfriend pissing, but the unusual reoccurring whimpers made it hard to ignore.

"Mello. Everything alright?" The sound of urination stopped, the whimpers didn't however they were interrupted and made unclear by the loud sound of the flushing toilet.

"No..." That was his reply.

"What's the Matter?" As if he didn't already have a clue. After going a long time without pissing, you almost always bleed.

"I want to go to the hospital." Mello came out of the bathroom looking more than depressed. Even if he felt perky and energetic, he was starting to realize that his body didn't exactly feel the same way.

"Alright, we'll leave after I use the bathroom myself." So Matt went to the bathroom, and during the thirty second period of his absence, Mello got bored and decided to open the only closed door he could see. The door to the spare bedroom.

The first thing Matt heard was a loud thud, and then frantic screaming and whimpering. He came tearing out of the bathroom after reflexively flushing the toilet, trying to zip his pants to find Mello huddled up against the open bathroom door, curling into the angle formed by it and the wall. /What is it with him an corners?/ Matt found himself wondering.

"You alright Mello? What's the Matter? What happened?" Then he spotted the open door to the guest room.

"That room! Th-that room! He's used everything in that room on me." Mello tried to get further into the corner formed by the door only to have the door start closing from him pushing on it. He began whimpering frantically, panicking the way he always did when he lost one of his spots.

"It's alright, Mello. He's dead now, he can't hurt you anymore. He's gone, and I'm here so no one will ever be able to hurt you again, alright?" Matt once again attempted to touch Mello's shoulder, to offer him some comfort. However, all he did was cause Mello to panicked even more. Jerking away from the hand managing to slam his head into the wall and then try to scoot away from his 'attacker.' "Mello, damnit! I'm not going to hurt you!" Matt yelled, mostly hurt, not realizing how intimidating his tone of voice was.

Nearly painfully, Matt grabbed Mello into a tight embrace, Mello jerked away at first, but soon dropped his efforts and merely trembled in Matt's arms, accepting the comfort Matt was trying to offer.

"I want to go to the hospital now," Mello said in a shaky voice. Matt didn't move for a moment, it was only when Mello started trying to flinch away again that Matt let go and stood up, helping Mello to his feet.

"Alright then, let's get going." It was always like Mello to want to get better quick, if only he knew how long it would take for all of his wounds to heal.

Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I would like to apologize for any misspellings or bad grammar that might have appeared in my story. The software I am using does not have a spell check, but I've done my best to fix all of my obvious errors.

Please Rate and Review

I'm not sure when chapter two will be up, but it should be soon. I have a plot for the chapter, but I'm not too sure that it will be as long or as interesting as this one. Mostly Mello getting out of the hospital (because no one wants to read about doctors and medicine and IV bags and limited visiting hours) and just wanting to lay on the couch 24 / 7. And most importantly Mello seems to be more timid than ever stretching Matt's patients to the breaking point. Will he be able to handle Mello's violent reactions to being touched or not? Just wait and see loves...

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


	2. Chapter 2

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: Now that Matt has rescued Mello, his patients are pushed to the limit when trying to deal with Mello's new over reactive personality.

Chapter Number: #2

Author Note: This chapter has a lot of Mello being his new Mello self mixed with his old self. He shies away from everything, but still talks as tough as he used to. There's also a bit of strain on Mello and Matt's relationship when Mello decides that the couch is his new 'spot' and won't let Matt even touch it.

Since the moment he had arrived back at the apartment after an entire month in the hospital, he had started turning back into his old self. Well, at least in some aspects. He continued barking orders at Matt while he sat on the couch and still found immense pleasure in eating his bars of chocolate.

The hospital visit had lasted a lot longer than he and Matt had hoped. The broken ribs had managed to stab into Mello's stomach causing an open bleeding wound. Mello also refused to eat any of the food the hospital supplied claiming he wanted Matt to bring him food. And the only food he wanted was chocolate, a treat the doctors didn't want him to have. It took a long week for Mello and Matt to come up with an excuse as to how Mello ended up in such poor condition. They agreed on the idea that Mello had been in an abusive relationship with another man. In a way it was true and Mello also played the part of the abused lover by refusing to tell the name of his attacker and even forced himself into saying that what had happened to him was his own fault. His act fooled the doctors.

Mello pretended to be his old self, but he was aware that he wasn't fooling anyone. Before if Matt played his games too much and Mello wanted attention, he'd yell or take the game away and break it. Now, he'd yell once, (no result but only because Matt was trying to pretend that nothing was amiss), wait a half hour, yell once again, wait another half hour, simply take them game (which matt would reflexively yell at him for) before dropping it on the floor and curling up in his spot on the couch, afraid to be hit. To Matt it was depressing, to Mello, it was degrading but he could not stop the flinches and strong fear that caused him to react the way that he did.

"Hey Matt?" Mello said from his place on the couch, curled up, his head in the corner formed by the arm and the back of the couch, his back to the room.

"Yeah?" Matt didn't even look up from his game.

"Bring me some chocolate," a short pause. "Please?" That was one of the things keeping him from returning to his old self. Before he'd just harass Matt to get him what he wanted. Never would he say please unless Matt strongly, strongly, refused to have sex.

"No Mello, get it yourself." The words were forced. Matt didn't want to refuse what Mello asked, but he wasn't too fond of the idea of Mello lying on the couch for all eternity.

"Okay." Mello slowly sat up and sighed. He glanced at Matt, and then at the refrigerator across the room where his chocolate was being held. Slowly he stood up with the stiffness of an old man. He winced slightly, his joints stiff from lack of movement. He went to the cold box and opened it slowly and snatched out a bar of chocolate before quickly returning to the couch where he sat. It was one of the rare moments in time where he didn't curl up and try to be invisible.

"Hey, you wanna go out?" Matt asked, turning off his game. Mello stared at Matt as if he had turned into a giant rat.

"No," he said bluntly. But that was typical. Mello hadn't gone out since they day he'd arrived home. The farthest Matt ever got him was halfway down the road where he'd finally let go of Mello's hand. At that time Mello would turn and sprint back to the house the second he got the chance.

"Aw, come on, Mello." Matt sat the game down on the floor and stood up, stretching his arms above his head.

"If you want to go out, go out. I'll stay here." Mello looked away from Matt and focused on the floor. His statement was pointless. Matt knew that when he left the house and Mello was alone, he'd either get repetitive calls from the blonde, or be stuck on the phone with him the whole time because he didn't want to be alone. And once he hadn't taken his phone out and when he returned home the place was ransacked and Mello had somehow managed to get a knife that had been in the sink lodged through the flesh of his leg like a straight pin through fabric. It wasn't hard to find him in the mess of an apartment. He followed the trail of blood to the thankfully empty closet Mello was hiding in. His excuse, the man had come back for him and chased him through the house. The truth was, Mello was trying to find a place where no one could see him from any direction, not from a window from the doorway, or from a camera. The dark closet was the only place covering him in shadow, even if his pale skin gave him away the instant the door was opened. (His wound was mild and remarkably clean. He only needed eight stitches, which were still in his leg.)

"No, Mello. Come on. Let's go out to eat." Matt sat next to Mello on the couch and watched as Mello's arm twitched slightly. He always flinched if Matt got within three feet of him.

"Why go out to eat? We have food in the fridge." Mello stared at the floor and munched on his chocolate bar. He didn't even eat them the way he used to.

"Mello! We're going out, okay!" Matt stood up and glared at the blonde who trembled slightly, his eyes widen and frightened, just as they had been the day Matt saved him. It was the only way to get through to him now. He had to yell, there was no other option.

"Please don't yell," Mello said, finishing off his bar of chocolate. "Wh-where do you want to go?" Matt sighed and ran his fingers through Mello's hair. Mello smiled very slightly, almost microscopically so. Even that small of a smile, was forced.

"What do you want? Fast food or dining?" Mello shrugged. "We'll try fast food, people don't judge you there." Mello nodded. All the answers he gave were like that, just incase something went wrong he could say he never or agreed or never refused.

So they headed out, Mello did his usual the instant they stepped outside. Every man that he saw or walked past them, he would try to hide behind Matt or stick as close to him as possible. He was afraid of everyone. At one point he tried to run back for the house and Matt made the mistake of grabbing onto him by the wrist and pulling him back a little too harshly. His reaction was Mello yelling as loud as he could attracting attention from several people including a police officer who thought Mello was a woman about to be raped. Completely terrified to speak Mello explained that he had a sore wrist and wasn't thinking when he yelled. The cop kept a close watch on them as they continued walking to their restaurant.

If there was only one difference in Mello that Matt could talk about, it would be how much Mello changed how he treated other people. On their way to their seats after ordering their food, someone bumped Mello's shoulder on their way to the soda fountain. Before Mello would've either grumbled obscenities under his breath or flat out yell at them, but not this time. This time, Mello made a scene.

Upon impact Mello jerked in the opposite direction of the touch. He slammed his body back into a thankfully empty booth and stammered words of apology for getting in the fat man's way. It took Matt three minutes to fully calm Mello down, ten more for the food to come to their table, and another fifteen before the people quit staring at them.

"I'm sorry," Mello said, munching on a French-fry. "I didn't mean to embarrass you." Mello sighed and sat down his half-eaten fry. He'd barely touched his food.

"Don't worry about it, just eat." Matt on the other hand had finished off his own food and was helping to devour Mello's fries. A risky thing to do. When Mello first returned home he had food aggression like a dog. He literally bit Matt if he went anywhere near his plate. Now he no longer minded.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?" Mello stared at him almost accusingly. He looked offended, and Matt couldn't figure out why. "What's the matter?" Mello glared at him and Matt put on a sad expression, hoping to bring Mello out of his mood swing.

"Never mind." Mello sighed and slouched down in his seat.

"What's wrong Mello? You can tell me." Matt reached across the table and put his hand over Mello's. Mello flinched, but didn't pull his hand away which was a good sign.

"I… I want to go home," Mello finally said. "I want to go home and sleep." So that's what they did. They threw what was left of their food away and left, Mello clinging to Matt as close as possible, making Matt wonder what was going on.

When they arrived at the apartment Matt practically forced Mello to sit on the couch to talk. Mello didn't want to talk, but his depressed, clingy, silent mood was too much.

"Mello, come on. Tell me what happened. Why did you get so sad all of a sudden?" Mello didn't answer for ten minutes straight. Matt didn't push him, he waited patiently. "Mello?"

"Th-that man. When he bumped into me he…" Mello fell quite for thirteen and a half minutes before he spoke again. "He…grabbed my ass." Mello stared at the floor and Matt let out a sigh. Mello used to take that kind of a thing as a compliment.

"It's okay Mello. He won't hurt you." Matt put and arm around Mello's shoulder and Mello flinched violently.

"Y-yeah, but what if he comes after me? I mean…" Mello bit his lip and his body trembles hard. "I won't go through that again! Get away from me!" Mello pushed Matt away with very little force. Matt took the hint and headed off to the bedroom. Mello wanted to be alone so that if tears did fall, Matt wouldn't see.

Once Matt was out of sight, Mello curled up in his spot on the couch, and with in ten minutes fell asleep. That's what he spent most of his time doing. Sleeping. Sleeping rather than crying, that's what it all amounted to.

In a half hour Matt left the safety of the bedroom and crept back into the living room to play his games. He turned off the sound and sat in the chair across from the couch to keep an eye on Mello. Sometimes in his sleep he'd have violent nightmares and end up jerking too hard in his sleep and fall of the couch which didn't help his heeling wounds the slightest bit.

Mello woke up. Matt could tell by the change in his breaths.

"Matt?" Mello said weakly.

"Yeah? What do you need?" Matt hated how he had to act as if nothing had ever been wrong. He wanted no more than to hold Mello close and spoil him and tell him that something so awful would never happen again, but the doctor said it was a bad idea. To act that way, he said, would cause Mello to either relive the experience over and over, or make him start to panic because he'd conclude that something else was very wrong with him. (The doctor's example of something wrong was AIDS. If Matt acted up too much with cuddling, Mello would think that he'd gotten said disease and his life span would be limited. He'd begin to wonder if he was dying.) Matt thought all of that was rubbish, but he did as he was told and didn't make a fuss over Mello's completely horrible experience.

Mello was silent for a moment, so Matt turned to see his face. Before the incident, you could see nothing on Mello's face, but now, it showed everything. Every emotion and every thought.

"Q-quit being such a jerk!" Mello spat, his eyes flickering with rage and hurt. Matt attempted to stammer a response, but it was no use. Mello wouldn't hear it. His mood swings, at least, has stayed the same.

"W-what do you—?" 

"Don't play dumb! Do you think I can't see it!? I know you hate me so just say it! Say you hate me!" Matt stared speechless. Tear filled Mello's eyes to the brims, but none fell. He was about to cry, but he wasn't making a single attempt to hide it.

"M-Mello…I don't—"

"No! You do! I know it! You won't even give me a hug anymore! And you don't even say 'I love you'! At all!" Mello's face said rage, but his eyes were filled over with despair. Something was hurting him, badly. Something more than lack of touches that he knew he didn't want and lack of words he didn't need as reassurance of how Matt obviously felt for him. Something else…

"Mello, that's not true, and you know it!" Matt raised his voice, wondering if that's what he would've done if nothing had ever happened. At the moment it was as if the past was gone. Had he ever yelled at Mello before the incident? He wasn't sure.

"Stop pretending, damnit! Quit acting like nothing ever happened! Something /did/happen and you don't even care! You won't even ask me how I feel about it, o-or what I think about it. God damnit, you didn't even ask me what all happened!" Mello covered his eyes with his arm and tried to hold in the sob caught in his throat. Matt stood up slowly from his seat on the floor and sat next to Mello on the couch. "Th-that whole time… With every person I tried to pretend that it was you so it wouldn't hurt my mind so badly, but part of me didn't even want to play that mind trick because I didn't want to believe that you were the one hurting me… But now I know that you don't even care. Thanks for saving my ass though, I appreciate it. Although I wish you would've killed me instead." Mello stood up from the couch and walked towards the apartment door, Matt stood up, but didn't follow. "It would be better than finding out that you couldn't c-care less." Mello gripped the doorknob, contemplating over whether or not to leave. Matt bit his lower lips and thought of the worst. He knew that if he spoke, Mello would find some way to twist the words into a heart breaking lie or insult.

He turned the knob slightly, and then fell to his knees, sobbing hard. Matt took the chance to run to Mello's side and hold him tight, pulling him from the door, preventing him from leaving. If it was possible to break free of his arms first.

"Mello, no. It's not like that. I do care, but I don't want to ask because…because I don't want to hurt you." Matt felt the tears form in his eyes. The stress he was feeling was so overwhelming. After all that had happened there was no way to avoid being stressed to the point of tears. Mello had been raped for five weeks straight, he was afraid of every noise, touch, and glance, he'd been in the hospital for a month, and now, the person Matt loved the most, was trying to walk out the door with no where to go. He was sure that Mello could find a place, but who's to say that he wouldn't get grabbed on the way there and tortured all over again?

"Matt! Stop it! Let me go!" Mello sobbed hard, and despite his words, he clung to Matt tightly as if for dear life. They stayed that way for a while, sitting on the floor in front of the door, Mello sobbing in Matt's arms and Matt holding Mello as close as possible, trying to soothe the blonde, trying to think of a way to make the tears stop.

"Mello, I do love you, more than anything else. You know that, I know you do." Matt began petting Mello's hair gently, somehow lowering Mello's hard sobs to silent tears. There was something consoling in the touch.

Mello nodded. "Ask me," he said. He sighed and cuddled closer into Matt's arms, acting in the strange, affectionate way that he used to do after a romantic experience.

"Ask you?" Matt said, confused. He nuzzled Mello's neck which resulted in Mello's nerves flinching. That small action alone put a damper on Matt's mood.

"Ask me how I felt, ask me…what I thought about in the hospital when they wouldn't let me see you. Ask me…" Mello sobbed hard and buried his head in Matt's chest. "how bad it hurt. I want you to ask me so I can tell you, so I can clear my head." Matt moved slowly, picking Mello up to carry him to a more comfortable place. Near the door was dangerous place. If he upset Mello, one swift movement and he could be gone, off into the night where he could get hurt.

He chose the couch, fearing that the bed would make it seem as if he was asking for something. Mello only seemed intimidated by being picked up. It appeared as if he'd rather sit on the floor to talk, rather than lay in his 'spot.'

"Tell me, please, Mello, what all did that sick bastard do to you?" Matt asked, brushing the bangs out of Mello's eyes.

"That man?" Mello was acting as if he hadn't told Matt to ask. "I don't want to try to remember all of those things. But what he loved, more than anything else, was to whip me. That's why my back is scarred so badly now." Mello whimpered and grabbed onto Matt's arm the way you'd expect a small child to do to a parent that they hadn't seen for a very very long time.

"Mello, what did you think about? Being held there, in a garage? Did he ever once let you out? Ever?" Mello smiled his nearly microscopic smile, glad that Matt was finally taking, or showing rather, his interest in the tragic event.

"I thought about you. I thought about how I wanted you to come and save me. Sometimes, I'd even play over how it would go in my mind. How you'd just find me somehow without me having to call for you. How you'd just find a way to save me and make all of the pain go away. God how much it hurt. He made sure it hurt me Matty. And if it didn't, o-or I tried to pretend that it didn't bother me, he torture my body until he knew that I couldn't take it anymore." Matt wanted to say something as a long period of silence fell over them, but he knew that Mello was not finished telling that part of the story yet. "Y-you know, sometimes, people hurt you so much, and you wonder to yourself what happens after that pain becomes unbearable. Do you go crazy? Do you become strong enough to push away the person hurting you, or do you pass out, or even die from it? But I know now. You just scream, and yell, and throw a fit and before long it'll stop because whoever was hurting you is tired of hearing it. Then you just cry to yourself and let your mind slip away to someplace better before you fall asleep and dream a dream so real, you wonder if you're actually awake and the pain that you're being put through was just a God awful nightmare." Mello sobbed hard, Matt didn't think that the blonde's mind could go that deep, to express himself in such an open and…weak way. "That's what it was like…did you..." Mello trembled slightly, Matt could see a flash of fear in Mello's eyes, a small flash. "E-ever wonder if something had happened to me? A-and tell the truth! I won't mind if you didn't…really."

Matt felt the tears burn at his eyes. Mello was doubting him, Mello was doubting everything.

"Yes, Mello, I did. At first I thought you'd just vanished like you do sometimes, then I wondered if you'd gotten yourself killed or…stuck in a bad situation. I worried about you a lot Mello. I wouldn't even play my games for an entire week because I missed you too much." Matt kissed Mello's lips gently, glad that Mello finally was no longer afraid of kisses, he wouldn't flinch, but only if he knew that they were coming. Yet he still hadn't gotten back the courage and strength to make the first move like he used to. "I was so afraid that you were dead," Matt whimpered, no longer restraining the urge to pull Mello into a tight embrace. In actuality he was more worried at that moment than he had been while Mello was missing. He was suddenly allowing the 'ifs' and 'what could've beens' enter his mind.' His tears fell as gruesome images filled his mind, Mello, dead, what he'd looked like when Matt had rescued him. He chocked on a sob, which made it more noticeable than if he would have let it out without resistance.

"M-Matt? Matty!? A-are you crying? Wh-why?" Mello began trembling, he was frightened again, scared because he was unsure of what was happening.

"I-it's nothing…I j-just… realized how bad this all could've been. You could've died! And I wouldn't have known and…" Mello stared at Matt, eyes filled with what seemed to be a mixture of shock and slight happiness. He began to know that Matt worried more than he ever thought possible.

"But it didn't happen that way. S-so you don't n-need to cry. It makes me feel bad." Mello pried Matt's arms gently off of him, Matt wondered if it was an attempt to act like he used to, to pretend to not want the affection that everyone knew that he wanted.

"H-hu?" Matt blinked back tears and wiped the existing ones off onto the sleeve of his shirt.

"Qu…qui-" Mello trembled hard, it was almost as if he were choking on the word. Then he spat it out. "Q-Quit being a pussy!" With that Mello wrapped his arms around Matt's neck, causing the redhead to loose his balance and topple over to the floor with Mello clinging to him, shaking just slightly.

"M-Mello!" Matt debated over weather or not to pry the blonde off of him and force a kiss or two on the man, or to just let Mello lie there. He chose the later.

"B-Be quiet…" Mello trembled hard, afraid to get hit. Didn't he know that Matt of all people would never hurt him. Slowly Matt lifted his hand and placed it on Mello's head, stroking his head softly. Mello didn't flinch, his breathing however slowed rapidly. He'd fallen asleep.

"Mello…" As gently as possible Matt scooped Mello up into his arms and after a moments hesitation took Mello to the bedroom. Usually Mello stayed on the couch, but he knew that the couch wasn't comfortable, but the bed was, and Mello deserved it. And maybe, just maybe, now that Mello had opened up and Matt had said what Mello wanted to hear, Mello wouldn't mind if he woke up with Matt sleeping next to him. Just maybe.

Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I have my regular system back now, only grammar errors should exist if any at all.

Please Rate and Review

The reason it takes so long for me to post, I must say this now, is because I work on two chapters one after the other before posting one of them. I wrote chapter one and then posted it right away. However, I wrote both chapter two and three before posting chapter two. That way, incase I must stop writing for any reason, I can just post the chapter I have finished to fill in the gap. No promises for the next chapter, I'd like to keep you waiting to know what its plotline is. But I will say, in that chapter, there is almost a lemon. Almost … Just wait and see loves...

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


	3. Chapter 3

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: Now that Matt has rescued Mello, his patients are pushed to the limit when trying to deal with Mello's new over reactive personality.

Chapter Number: #3

Author Note: This chapter mostly reflects how Matt feels. The other chapters were mostly about Mello, I believe it's Matt's turn for some attention. However this chapter is mildly boring, but every fan fiction needs a grace period for the plot to relax for a while. But it won't be a very long boring chapter. Only about four or five pages at the most.

Matt woke up and Mello was gone. At first he assumed the blonde had made his way back to the couch, but he was wrong. Mello was not there, nor was he in the bathroom, or in the kitchen, or hiding in that still empty closet. Mello was not in the building, but why?

"Mello," Matt said dismally to the empty apartment as he sat down on the couch. There was no note divulging the location of the missing man, and no signs that gave a hint as to where Mello had gone. "Come on, don't you know it's not safe to be out there alone? You said that there was more than one person who hurt you… so what if one of them sees you…" Matt let out a frustrated sigh laid down on the couch. "I know this isn't easy for you, Mello… but it isn't that simple for me either." He rolled over onto his side, staring at the coffee table where a half eaten bar of chocolate sat, it's unwrapped end pointed at the door as if saying that it's owner had gone that way.

Then the thought struck him like a train. The cell phone! Matt hadn't seen the phone anywhere when he was searching for Mello. That meant said boy had it. There was only one problem. The cell phone was their only phone; he couldn't call it from the house. But there was a pay phone by the subway station three blocks down the road. He'd just go there.

The phone rang twice… three times… and then…

"I couldn't stay in the house anymore. It was making me feel sick…" Mello sounded tired and rather depressed.

"Can't you leave a note, I was worried about you."

"I couldn't find a pen…" There was a period of silence.

"Where are you?" Mello hung up the phone. "Goddamnit Mello!" Matt slammed the phone back on the hook. It was obvious Mello didn't want to be found, but it was depressing not knowing where the blonde was. So many people who would have never caught his eye before were instant enemies now. Anyone and everyone was a threat. So many people could take advantage of how weak Mello was now. Even a four-year-old child could jump out of a dark corner and shout 'boo' and Mello would be on the floor cowering.

"If I were Mello, where would I go?" Matt thought for a long moment. Where did Mello go when he was upset? There were three options. Mello often went to his gang's hideout when he was angry, but those kind of people were shady and it was obvious Mello would not want to be around them. They're the type that turn on people fast, and with Mello's stamina on such a low dose, he was easy game. There was also a certain café Mello would go to if he was utterly and completely depressed, he never ordered anything, he just sat there. The only reason he was allowed to gather dust in the café's seat was because he was 'of close relation' with the owner. But that place was always filled with chatter, when Matt had called the background was nearly silent. That left one place.

There was a gazebo in the park on the other side of the town. If Mello wanted to be left alone and ignored, that was the place he went. The gazebo itself was about the size of their living room, a great deal of space. Mello liked space. It was all psychological, but it made sense for Mello to be there.

/Mello had been trapped inside of that garage for five weeks straight…/ Matt thought. /He naturally wouldn't want to stay in such a small space for very long, but once he got home he didn't want to leave the apartment because he was too scared. I guess that when I took him out that one time he got scared because of all of the people, but he must've enjoyed getting out for a while. He probably felt that it would be nice to go outside as long as there weren't people around that could cause harm to him./ Matt walked past the apartment building and headed on towards the park, a thirty-seven minute walk away. /However, at the same time that he wants to be outside of solid walls, he still wants to be inside of something because it seems safer. To get at him someone would have to enter that same place, and if the building he's hiding in is like the gazebo, he can see all around him. No one can sneak up except for from behind. But the gazebo has really tall wooden lattice walls that stand about three feet over the head of whoever is sitting on the benches around the inside of it. The gazebo has walls, but you can see through them easily, Mello knows that he is safe from any form of a sneak attack in that one place./ Matt shook his head.

"My god, Mello can be so complex." Matt may have wasted most of his brain playing video games but he still had strong sense of logic and a keen ability to solve puzzles. Not Near's form of puzzles, but mind games.

Matt looked up at the sky and watched a nearly invisible jet streak through the sky. /Who is this harder on I wonder. Me, or Mello?/ He stared at the cracks in the sidewalk. Mello had been tortured and literally destroyed, but Matt had to deal more with the after affects. He couldn't rest easy at night anymore. He always worried about Mello and if Mello would be okay or what would happen the next day. Would Mello get jumped by someone else, and above all else he was stuck wondering the same old thing. "Does Mello even love me anymore?" Mello never said those three words since Matt had rescued him. He'd said it the day he went missing, but he never said it again after that.

Matt's face went pale, his stomach started doing flips so he shook the thought from his mind. There was no way that Mello no longer loved him, there was just no way. If he didn't then he wouldn't have gotten so angry the previous night.

Matt ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh that was somewhere between a sob and a growl. He wanted to see Mello.

He felt a hard thud and then a series of bumps which jerked him back from his thoughts. He hadn't been paying attention to where he had been wandering and smacked straight into, what appeared to be, a high school girl carrying her books home from class.

"I'm sorry," Matt said, bending down to help gather the scattered papers that had fallen out of one of the girl's text books.

"It was my fault, I was paying attention." The girl grabbed up all of her books and looked Matt over carefully.

"Are you okay sir? You look upset." The girl watched him closely as if waiting for him to say something improper. Her mother had told her before not to talk to men on the streets, which is why she had spoken in the first place.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just on my way to find a friend of mine. He's got some real problems that we need to discuss. Sorry for knocking you over," Matt shoved his hands deep into his pockets and kept walking. The girl watched him walk away, shrugged her shoulders and headed home.

Finally Matt made it to the gazebo, and there was Mello. Sitting there, head in his hands looking dismal and very defenseless. Mello always looked defenseless now though, his fight was gone. But for some reason, Mello looked a lot more helpless than he had before.

"Mello?" Matt asked as he stepped into the large wooden building. Mello jerked his head up and managed to fall backwards off of his seat and hit the floor with a hard thud, bangs covering one of his eyes. His eyes stared at Matt, open and terrified and then the relaxed a bit. "You okay?" Matt walked up to Mello and offered him his hand. Mello started at it for a moment, but latched onto it quickly and stood up with only a bit of trouble.

No… Mello was not at all like he used to be.

"Thanks," Mello said, looking away and wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He stayed that way for at least fifty seconds, scrubbing at the corner of his mouth. But why?

"Mello?" Matt grabbed Mello's hand noticing that the skin was turning bright red from the friction. What the hell had been trying to rub away? Then he saw it. On the other side of Mello's mouth was a very thin, dried, white line. Mello had been with someone, but it didn't look willing. The eye being covered by his bangs was turning dark purple. Someone…some sick fuck, raped Mello once again.

"Wh-what?" Mello tried to scoop the bangs to cover his eye more. "W-why are you looking at me like that?" Matt raised his hand to the line running from the corner of Mello's mouth and rubbed part of the dried substance away. "Wh-what's th-the matter with y-you!?" Mello trembled and pushed Matt's hand away gently. Matt wiped the bangs out of Mello's eye and caressed the dark bruise encircling it.

"Mello, why didn't you tell me on the phone? I would've gotten here faster." Mello shook his head.

"Wh-what good would it have done! You would've just worried and gotten hurt or something…" Mello sobbed hard and hugged Matt tight. "One of those men from before found me… I tried to get away and he hit me." Matt petted Mello's hair and held him tight.

There was a long period of silence. Matt's mind raced over thoughts of what to say. There were so many wrong things that he could say. He missed the old Mello that, if given the situation, was hit by anyone he would hit back twice as hard. Matt assumed that this Mello crumbled under the blow and let whatever hurt him take charge.

"Matt… Wh-what happened last night? I-I don't remember… But…how did we get into the bed?" Mello blushed almost microscopically and Matt could feel the blonde's body tense. He was afraid that Matt had slept with him.

"Nothing happened. You fainted and I know that couch is uncomfortable so… I put you in the room…and then I fell asleep." Mello blinked and looked at Matt carefully as if deciding weather or not he was being lied to.

"I-I trust you…" Mello said quietly. He nodded his head before speaking again as if agreeing with himself. "I trust you not to hurt me." For some reason Matt was hurt by those words. If Mello ever told him the words 'I trust you,' usually the words 'I trust you because I love you' followed. It had always been that way. Even if the task was as simple as remembering to pay the phone bill, but it wasn't said this time.

Matt let it go. He knew. He understood.

Mello was in no position to love anyone.

Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I apologize for the long wait. I've been sick off and on and my work is piling up to stacks over my head. Chapter four is not finished yet, but it will be up in at least a couple of weeks.

Please Rate and Review

Also I am accepting suggestions or requests of things you would like to see in the story as long as it fits the plotline. I'd like to keep my story with one plot rather than two parallel ones.

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


	4. Chapter 4

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: Now that Matt has rescued Mello, his patients are pushed to the limit when trying to deal with Mello's new over reactive personality.

Chapter Number: #4

Author Note: It's all about the eyes.

Three days had passed since the emotional encounter at the gazebo, and Mello had since refused to even step foot out of the apartment door. Only now, it seemed worse. The day after Mello was looking out the apartment window down at the street where he saw a man that he swore on his mother's grave was the man who had captured him over two and a half months previous. After that he refused to go near the door and the windows. It was depressing, even the very thought of it.

"Mello," Matt said lighting up a cigarette and staring at the blonde who lay curled up in his 'spot' on the couch. He really had nothing to say to the blonde. It was just the unbearable silence that had fallen over them for at least two full hours.

"Yes?" Mello hesitated before answering, almost as if reassuring himself that it was Matt who was speaking to him and not someone else, someone who meant to cause him harm.

Now that he'd gotten Mello's attention, he didn't know what to say. And for some reason he couldn't find his voice to speak. He opened his mouth but no words came out, just emotions. Emotions escaped rather than words. He felt tears at his eyes and didn't know why.

Perhaps it was the constant image of Mello on the ground in that sick fuck's garage burning in the back of his mind, or maybe it was the fact that Mello no longer sat on the couch normally and constantly munched his chocolate and shouted obscenities about some person Matt had never heard of all the while watching the television to see what news topics could 'soothe' Mello's mood when in reality he only wanted to find something to make him even angrier. That's how Mello used to be. He liked being mad, and now, it seemed as if that simple feeling terrified the hell out of the blonde.

"What is it?" Mello rolled over to face Matt and watched him sadly. "What's the matter?" Matt tried to hide his eyes, but somehow through both hair and goggles Mello still saw the utterly destroyed look that lived within Matt's eyes, within his very soul.

"I-It's nothing," Matt said looking away. Mello sighed and sat upright.

"There's something wrong, a-and I think….I think I know what it is." Mello stared at the floor and Matt dared a glance at him. He was afraid to speaking knowing that the instant he opened his mouth to say anything the tears burning the backs of his eyes would fall. "Matt…" Mello lifted his head and Matt looked away, he didn't want to see whatever emotion was residing in Mello's eyes. He didn't think that he could bear it. He was terrified that he knew what Mello was going to say. "Please look at me…" Matt hesitated, and then did as Mello has asked. "Matt, I-I do still love you. I know I don't show it very well anymore, a-and I haven't been saying it at all. But I do Matt, I do! I love you more than anything. You saved me and without you I'd be dead now, for sure. I love you now more than I ever have before." Matt heard Mello's voice crack. "Please, tell me that you believe me!" Mello sobbed hard and buried his head in his hands.

Never before had Matt straddled the line between pure bliss and utter despair. Mello finally said the words 'I love you,' but at the exact same time saying it had made the blonde cry, as if the words were forced out of him because…

/because he's afraid that I'm going to throw him out because…right now…he's not even my boyfriend anymore./

"I…I believe you," Matt said, managing to hold back the tears. "But Mello, I understand what happened to you. Y-you don't have to… you don't have to say something that you don't mean. I'm not going to throw you out or abandon you. You need me, but that…. That doesn't mean that you still have to love me. I know that you don't trust me at all." Matt's eyes went cold, he felt it himself.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Mello looked terrified. He felt as if Matt had snapped back, denied his love, literally taken his words and thrown them in his face. Never before had he ever imagined that something Matt could ever say would gash him so badly. "You don't want to be with me…" Mello's eyes dulled to emotionless. He sat there and stared at the wall behind Matt's head and seemed to become inanimate.

"Mello–no, that's not it at all!" Mello let out a sob that was obviously attempted to be controlled, and looked away. "Please, let me explain… I-I thought that… I assumed that's how you felt… I mean, I figured that…because of what happened you wouldn't…"

"Love?" Mello said the word so icily, so cold and dull. Mello was angry. "How could you even assume such a thing? I loved you before I left that day! I went out, I called you, I told you that I loved you before I hung up! I was attacked and tortured for weeks and then you save me! You made the pain stop and you think that I don't love you!?" Mello glared at Matt with eyes so full of rage that Matt was sure the Devil himself would've faltered a step backwards upon seeing them.

"W-well when you put it like that I-" Matt trembled. He'd upset Mello, he'd hurt him badly. Very badly. "Mello, I-I…" Matt held back a sob and stood up from his seat, he passed a sad glance towards the blonde and took a single step forward. Mello leaned back on the couch, a dart of fear shot through his eyes.

"What are you going to do to me?" Mello crossed his legs as if sending the silent signal that he didn't want to even consider being intimate, by will or force.

Matt lifted Mello's chin nearly roughly with his hand. He stared into the fear stricken eyes for less than a second before their lips met. Mello moved first, standing up to be level with the red head. He didn't want to feel so small. Sitting down he was more than just the few inches shorter. Matt made the move to kiss, it was Mello's own decision to kiss back.

It wasn't as if they'd never kissed since the incident, but at that precise moment, it was as if he was bringing the old Mello back to life. With each passing second the kiss got deeper and more passionate. Taking small two second breaks to breath. Mello wrapping his arms around Matt's neck, bringing their bodies as close as possible.

His Mello.

His Matt.

That's what they were thinking. At least for those few moments.

/I must be dreaming…/ Matt thought as he felt Mello press his body as close to Matt's as possible. Mello used to be that way all of the time. Always wanting to touch, to be as close as possible. Touch and be touched, but it hadn't been that way for a long time.

"M-Mello…are you sure about-"

"I-I… I am sure…" Mello tugged at the sleeve of matt's shirt, pulling towards the bedroom, the remarkably last place that they ever considered to make love. Most often it was the floor of the living room where Mello somehow always ended up laying deciding on the drop of a hat that he was in the mood. "B-But you have to p-promise that… if I say to stop…you will?" Mello looked straight into Matt's eyes, pure fear and seriousness showed in them. The last thing he wanted was for them to play as rough as they usually did on this first time in over two and a half months, but have it somehow end up in rape if Matt decided to not listen to Mello's complaints of pain, the way that Matt usually did when he was over the edge.

"I promise," Matt said with a soft smile. "And if I don't you can hit me with lamp or something…" he laughed slightly and Mello grinned his microscopic smile.

"A-And…b-be…gentle?" Mello looked at Matt uneasily, as if questioning the gamers ability to play nice.

"I intend to," Matt said, placing a feather soft kiss on Mello's lips as if giving a sample of how softly he could play, even when he was so aroused that he was sure he could have Mello stripped to null in less than fifteen seconds given the chance.

"I'm serious…Matt…please…don't hurt me." Mello sighed and Matt held his hands gently.

"If it even hurts a little itty bity bit tell me and I'll stop right away. I won't get mad or anything, I promise." Mello smiled, he felt flattered. Matt was worrying about him, even though he was pretty sure that if Mello did say it hurt, once Matt was in, he would beg Mello to let him continue, that he'd be more gentle. That was how Matt was, and in a way, he didn't want that to change. Enough was different already.

Mello gasped slightly as his backs collided softly with the mattress. The sheets cooled his warm flesh making Goosebumps rise from his flesh. In a matter of seconds Matt was over top of him, kissing and caressing gently. Both of their clothes were clumped in a pile on the floor rather than strewn across the room like they usually were. But this time was different. Everything was to be done gently to make sure that Mello would not be even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Matt had even brought a bottle of lotion from the bathroom that Mello used to use on his hands to keep them from getting dry and less soft.

Matt kissed his way down Mello chest, starting from the collar bone down to the stomach, trying hard to keep the fact that his eyes were closed a secret. Every time he opened his eyes and saw that pale flesh, he'd spot a scar and then images of Mello tortured and bleeding would surface and his stomach would begin doing flips.

Beautiful Mello… /His/ beautiful Mello.

Matt ran his fingers through Mello's hair and kissed him gently. /Gorgeous/ Mello. With every piece of flesh that Matt caressed as he got lower and lower down the blonde's thigh he could remotely hear Mello's breath hitch and feel the tremble that ran through his body that was caused by nothing other than fear.

Mello was scared, he knew Matt wouldn't hurt him, but painful memories clung to his thoughts just as they did to Matt's.

But that was alright because with time the memories would pass. They'd dissipate and vanish leaving nothing but good memories in their wake. The bad can only last for so long, but the good can stick forever. Mello would never be quite the same again, but he could get close. Close enough to taste it, but never enough to consume. Perhaps it was best that way. Mello more calm, Matt more understanding, both of them registering how the other felt before speaking. Both of them reaching for each other in the dark, calling out to make sure that the other was still there, not lost or lonely.

For the time being, they had no enemies nor rivals. All they had, needed, and wanted was in front of them.

Love for one another.

Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I apologize. No 'lemons' from me. The last thing I want is my emotionally gripping story to end like a smut fic. (No offense to the ones that exist I am a fan of lemonish mXm) But this ending, I believe, a lemon would ruin it. Sorry, but I have to say, it's better this way.

Please Rate and Review

Alice Von Wonderland


	5. Chapter 5

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: Now that Matt has rescued Mello, his patients are pushed to the limit when trying to deal with Mello's new over reactive personality.

Chapter Number: #5

Author Note:

/I shouldn't have done it…/ Matt thought to himself. It had become a popular thought to cross through his mind over the last three weeks. /I should never have slept with him…/ It was a sad thing to regret, sleeping with your lover, especially after what had happened to him. The reason for this thought was not because he'd hurt Mello, or that Mello had gotten angry, or even the fact that Mello wasn't even half as good as he used to be. No, it was more the fact that Mello was returning to the way he used to be about sex. Only, in a different way.

For example, instead of saying "Matt…I'm in the mood, get over here…" like he had so many times before, he now followed Matt around and whined like a beaten dog until he got what he wanted. (It was either that or cuddling obsessively. A new trait Mello seemed to have discovered. When his guns and leather were taken away he ended up quite adorable.)

/I should NOT have slept with this man…/

Mello was after it again. Matt had been sitting on the couch, playing his game and Mello had been watching what surprisingly sounded a lot like a soap opera, (but Mello insisted that Matt was only hearing the commercials), on the television in the bedroom when out of the blue Matt heard his name. An instant tip off that Mello wanted something weather it be attention, sex, food, or simply affection.

"What is it Mello?" Matt paused his game and let out a sigh.

"Come here…" Mello sounded like a child who'd broken something. Slightly embarrassed and uneasy. But why?

Matt growled softly and shut off his game at mid-level. He was about to beat the level, but it was best not to ignore Mello's wants, no matter how selfish they tended to be lately. It could be something important.

Matt leaned on the wood of the doorway and looked at Mello who was curled up by the headboard of the bed.

"What do you need?" Mello whimpered. Matt guessed that it was because the blonde could sense the frustrated attitude in his words.

"I-I'm sorry. Go back to playing your game." Matt sighed. This was another trait he didn't like. He couldn't tell if it was Mello's way of expressing anger and disappointment after he took the guns away, or if Mello really was upset because he'd inconvenienced his lover.

"Don't give me that crap… You wanted me, and I'm here. What's the matter?" Mello stayed quiet and Matt let out a long sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge.

"I-I… I saw him… that man. I saw him on the television…" Mello whined and Matt noted the way that Mello had pressed his legs together the instant he began speaking of his captor.

"On the television? Are you sure?" It was a stupid question. The TV was off and the remote was on the floor next to it, the battery cover had come off the back showing that it had been thrown. Matt was surprised that Mello hadn't screamed.

"U-Uhhu… th-they said that he was… a w-well respected citizen. That he was a good man, a father and grandfather. Th-They talked a-about me." Matt could've sworn that he saw a smirk cross Mello's lips. "They talked about how there was a great amount of blood where his body was found, and that none of it was his. No one saw us leave the house though. But wh-what they said was that his captive fought back. They interviewed people and none of them said that anything appeared out of the ordinary except that the garage light was on at night when it had never been on before." Mello sniffed like he was about to cry. "They're all lying! There's no way that they didn't hear me scream!" Mello clung to Matt's arm. The redhead was unsure of how to react.

"I think…it's best that you don't watch any channels that host news for a while. You don't need to hear about this." Mello was quiet for a while.

"They sent a shout out to me. Saying that if I was watching I should go to the police. But there is no point in that. The man is dead. He can't have anymore justice than that. They want to have me arrested for assault. The want to have me executed because you saved me from that sick fuck!" That's when Matt saw what was bothering Mello. His senses of justice and logic were both off. The police want to question the hell out of him so that they don't have an unsolved case in their files.

"It's okay, Mel. They don't know it was you, they don't know who he was keeping. You don't have to worry about it. Alright?" Matt tried to comfort Mello for at least an hour, but no matter what he said Mello managed to pull a flip-side to whatever was said. He gave up after an hour and a half and was losing his temper badly. He was just tired of this pessimism.

"He's not dead…" Mello whispered under his breath. "I swear he's not." Mello let out a sob and Matt sighed annoyed.

"I can guarantee that he is. I felt his skull crack." Mello whimpered and Matt looked away to hide the glare that he could no longer suppress.

"But he's not! I know he isn't! He talks to me! He—" He'd had enough.

Matt's hand connected with Mello's cheek in one quick blow leaving both of them completely bewildered. Matt was lost in his thoughts cursing himself for causing the look on Mello's face. It was the same pitiful look that he'd seen when he first found Mello, and the same as when he found him in the park. Hurt and completely lost. But God it felt good to get rid of that tension, even if the red mark on Mello's cheek was getting darker by the second. He didn't think that he'd hit that hard. Within thirty second of silence the red mark that was covering the left cheek of the blonde, whose face showed shattered trust, turned into a bruise. How did he hit that hard? It looked more like he'd punched him.

"M-Mello I—" Mello didn't listen. He closed his eyes tight and got up off the bed as quickly as he could. He fled to the living room and Matt was sure he was heading towards the door until he heard his injured lover drop onto the couch. Curled up in his spot. A place he hadn't been in over five weeks.

Matt sighed and walked slowly into the living room. He realized that he'd made a mistake.

"Mello, I'm sorry." Matt sat on the floor next to the couch. Mello had his back to him, curled up in the corner of the couch.

"I'm sorry my problems bother you so much," Mello said, his voice was chilly.

"No, Mello, I shouldn't have hit you at all. I don't know why I got mad. I-I'm just stressed that's all. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I think you did. Otherwise you wouldn't have hit me." Mello was almost crying. Matt could tell by his voice.

"No, Mello. Please! I-I did mean to hit you, but not as hard as I did! I'm sorry! I-I'm just confused right now, okay! This is hard on me too! I can't deal with your mood swings and your delusions! The man is dead! He's gone! I killed him! You're scaring yourself!" Mello didn't reply and Matt heard him trying to choke back sobs. "I'm sorry, Mello. But please, try to understand this. It's hard on you now, but it's difficult for me too. Maybe not as much as it is for you, but it's still the most difficult thing I've dealt with." /Don't say it…/ Matt thought, fearing the words he assumed Mello would say.

"Sorry for being an inconvenience for you." Matt let out a broken sigh. That was exactly what he'd expected Mello to say.

"But…you're not." Was there anyway to back that up? He loved Mello and having him around even if he was being completely inconsiderate and sensitive and making life harder than it had ever been before? The truth was…Mello was an inconvenience in his current state. He was like a small child in desperate need of affection.

"…You mean that?" Mello didn't move a muscle and his voice was completely neutral. He was somewhere in between breaking down and building himself back up.

"Of course I do. I love you…" Matt smiled, and then it faded away. He'd said the wrong words.

"Is that the only reason?" Mello sighed, and Matt ran his fingers through his hair trying not to get angry.

"Mello… What do you want from me!? What do you want me to say? I love you, and I feel sorry for you and I don't ever want to see you hurt like that again! You're not an inconvenience, and if you were I'd tell you! I didn't lie to you about what I think before and I'm not about to change now!" Matt refused to let himself say anymore in fear of saying something he didn't mean.

Mello was silent. Silent as the grave.

"Mello… Do you love me?" There was a period of silence… and then Mello answered.

"Uhhu…" Mello sat up but he focuses his eyes on the floor.

"Do you mean that, Mello?"

"Uhhu…" Matt stood up from the floor and sat next to Mello on the couch. Mello leaned on him and wrapped his arms around Matt's arm, clinging desperately. "Don't leave…"

"Mello… why would I…" Mello wasn't listening. He was cuddling, cuddling for affection, nothing more than that.

"Don't leave me…" Mello repeated nuzzling Matt's shoulder.

"I'm not going to," Matt said, running his fingers through Mello's soft hair. "I promise," he said.

Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I once again apologize for the wait. I've been uninspired for a while. The next chapter promises some action. Consider this chapter just a bridge to the action.

Please Rate and Review

Also I am still accepting suggestions or requests of things you would like to see in the story as long as it fits the plotline.

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


	6. Chapter 6

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: Sometimes opportunities come knocking, but this, I fear, is not the case. A long awaited chapter.

Chapter Number: #6

Author Note: A strange chapter this is…And I'm sorry I've been taking, how many months now to update? Almost a year? More than that? I'm sorry. I've been busy and my inspiration was draining there for a while.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

There was a knock on the door. It was sharp, loud, and … peace shattering. They were cuddling, and very close to taking off clothes when the noise occurred. It was strange. Mello froze in mid-nuzzle, the only things that moved were his eyes, and they traveled to the door.

No one ever came to their door… unless they were fighting and got too loud and Mello fired his gun for no apparent reason and the neighbors thought someone had been shot. But there'd been no yelling, or shouting, or gunfire, or strange thuds that could only be a dead human hitting the floor. (To the people below.) So why was someone at their door?

"It's okay Mello," Matt said softly. "Go to our room if you're scared." Mello did just that, Matt heard him close the closet door. His safe haven. The knocking came again, louder and fiercer; Matt heard Mello whimper and growled. "I'm coming, just a minute." Matt walked to the door slowly and opened it. Right away two police officers were flashing their badges in his face and shouting out there names. On the inside he flinched, but he kept a cool composure. "If there was a noise complaint you've got the wrong house. I haven't been doing anything but sitting on the couch," Matt said. It wasn't uncommon that their neighbors called the police.

"We're not here on complaint today. We're looking for a suspect," one of the officers said. He was the shorter of the two, about Mello's height, with short brown hair and had his hand resting tensely on his gun.

"Suspect? You think I'm hiding someone?" Matt glared at him. They had not shown a search warrant.

"No, it's more of a victim, than a suspect," said the taller cop. And older looking man with black hair. He was taller than Matt, and looked at least twice as strong. His hand was also on his gun.

"Am I going to be shot?" The officers laughed and something about it made him uncomfortable.

"No, we need to know if your roommate is in."

"Roommate. I, uh. I..I don't have… a roommate," Matt stammered, hating how nervous he was suddenly getting. The cops past a weary glance at each other and flashed a warrant.

"Stand aside," said the shorter one with the brown hair, no less than shoving Matt out of the way.

"H-Hey! Watch it! What the hell are you doing?" Matt hated how defensive he was getting. Mello's assault had changed the way he saw other people. Just like how Mello saw it, every person was a threat.

"We have a warrant," said the tallest. "If you're an innocent man you have nothing to hide."

"If I had a roommate why would he be hiding?" Matt said bluntly. It seemed to irk the officers.

"Because he was assaulted and naturally wouldn't want anyone near. Either that or you're some psychopath who has him tied up. The doctors said he had old scars and wounds." Matt growled.

"What do you want him for?" Matt tried to ignore the shorter cop who kept roaming in and out of every other room and focus his attention on the tall cop who was heading towards the bedroom.

"He's a witness to a crime. We need to close the case." He stopped dead in his tracks as he entered the bedroom. He called for the other officer who showed up in a split second, forcing Matt out of the way. "I hear something, in the closet." The cop smirked and Matt was disgusted. What kind of men…. What kind of officers went about business this way? It was almost like they were tormenting Mello directly, even though they hadn't seen him.

"Stop it…" Matt said desperately. They were taunting not only Mello, but him also. Mello was still hurt. He'd worked damn hard to fix most of Mello's shyness and fear, and he knew that in one wrong step Mello would revert back to his terrified state. The last thing he needed was to be interrogated about the sick act that has him completely scarred in both body and mind.

The officer's hand went to the doorknob of the closet, Matt heard Mello whine, both officer's did to.

"I said stop! Can't you tell he doesn't want to see anyone! L-Leave him alone! This isn't fair!" Matt tried to block the door, but the shorter cop shoved him out of the way.

"You're obstructing justice, that's a federal crime!" The officer pulled open the closet door and Matt prayed that Mello wouldn't pull his gun. It wasn't loaded, matt took the bullets because he didn't want Mello to get up in the middle of the night and feel depressed and blow his brains out, but these cops…these sick people…they'd shoot him without a moments hesitation.

For a moment everything seemed silent except for the sound of Mello crying. He was crying… in front of other people… actually crying… Even the officers seemed to feel a slight splinter of remorse for being so cruel. But for only a moment. The officers however seemed to change their attitude. Matt knew from experience that if someone was crying as hard as Mello was at that moment, there was no word you could force out of them that would be clear and understandable.

"Sir, please come out of there," said the shorter one. Matt was surprised that Mello answered.

"No… Not for you…" He was shaking; Matt could hear it in his voice.

"We can't talk with you in there, come out now," the officer was yelling, he was really pissing Matt off.

"We're talking just fine… but I don't want to talk about it. Please leave." The officer laughed and that was the last straw.

"You bastard!" He punched the officer hard in the jaw, growling, not caring if he was shot or arrested, he just couldn't handle Mello being emotionally attacked in such a way. Mello was sensitive now. He was scared and timid, he couldn't take seeing Mello hurt.

The officer pulled a gun and Matt flinched, Mello sobbed hard. It was like instant paralysis and after three seconds Matt realized that if he was shot, it would be in front of Mello. The thought made the tension burning in his guts worse.

"Put the gun away," said the tall officer, the other one glared at his partner hard, but then obeyed. "You," he looked at Matt. "Tell us what you know about this, and don't play dumb. I know you know why we're here. And you," he looked at Mello who was trembling, and backing farther into the corner of the closet. "Stay…there…Doll" He smiled, Mello made no sounds at all, he went silent, like a television on mute.

Doll… Why would the officer call Mello 'Doll'? Matt contemplated this, but said nothing. He was just relieved that the attention was off of Mello for a while.

For two and a half hours he was interrogated, it was like his brain was being combed for every last detail about everything. He was shocked by the questions they asked, questions that obviously only Mello would know, and never answer. When the officers left, they gave him a few last words, and some reassurance. This was only stage one, they'd be back and they'd would use any means necessary to make Mello talk.

"Mello…you can come out now. They left." Mello had stayed in the closet the whole time that Matt had been trapped uncomfortably in the living room.

There was no sound from within the closet.

"Mello?" Matt knocked on the door and opened it a crack. Mello was passed out on the floor of the closet. He looked pitiful, still crying, even in his sleep. "Mello…" He wondered how weak Mello felt. He hadn't cried in front of people since adolescence at Wammy's. And even then he only cried in front of Matt.

As gently as possible Matt picked Mello up and moved him to the bed. He was sure Mello would've preferred to stay in the safety of the closet, but the floor was definitely uncomfortable.

The instant Mello's head hit the pillow his eyes shot open and he sat up, slamming his head into Matt's nose. Matt kept quiet, not wanting to yell from surprise or pain in fear of startling Mello and having him dart back for the closet. The very thought was humorous and at the same time utterly depressing.

"Sorry. I just didn't want you to have to sleep on the floor," Matt said, gently rubbing the pain out of his nose.

Mello said not a word but stared at the sheets of the bed as if in deep thought.

"Mello? Are you okay?" Mello just blinked, the tears no longer fell from his eyes. (The only thought that sparked the slightest hint of joy within Matt's mind.)

"Never…call me…doll," Mello said bluntly, Matt blinked. "Ever!" A sudden ferocity shot through Mello's face and Matt faltered back a step.

"G-got it," he said uneasily. "Mello…those cops…they didn't act like cops did they. They were strange."

"They raped me," Mello said bluntly. "I remember them. Please don't let them come in next time." Mello seemed to drain of all emotion, it was as if he he'd cried every emotion out of his brain.

"M-Mello. Th-they h-hurt you too?" Was that possible? Two armed people with the ability to kill had slipped through his defensive screen. Was he that worthless?

"Yeah…managed to…get my blood on the ceiling," Mello said with a sigh. Matt noticed how the blonde cringed at the memory. "Wanna know how?" Mello asked with a hint of his old ways of strange pride in serious injuries. It was almost welcoming.

"N-not particularly, but…" Mello sighed and his emotions left.

"Of course you don't." He lay back down and closed his eyes. "I don't even want to remember."

"Mello," Matt said, sensing the depression growing in Mello's mind. "If you want to talk about it you can." Matt heard Mello laugh.

"It's like your mouth is falling down the stairs," he said, rolling over and looking Matt in the eyes. "To tell the truth…I don't even know how it got there… all I know is that it hurt." Mello whined and Matt petted his hair gently. "I think it's when they hit me in the jaw after I started coughing up blood…"

Matt resisted the urge to shout obscenities. Mello was somehow, instantly making a reform to go back to normal. Being sickly proud of the wound caused by the pain inflicted upon him.

"Don't tell me you're proud of that?" Matt said in disbelief.

"Of course I am! I didn't die did I!?" Mello was getting an attitude. Why now of all times? Matt was sure he would have relapsed after being confronted by two of his attackers.

"Well, no. But Mello…" Mello rolled his eyes and stretched his arms above his head.

"But Mello, but Mello," the blonde said in a mocking tone. "Just shut up and let me sleep. You never were the man of many words anyway. Why start talking all of a sudden?"

It was so awkward to Matt, and beyond his comprehension that a man cowering in the closet not moments ago in fear of memories and old scars, was now mocking his protector and attempting to sleep as if the whole experience was nothing but a game. In fact, it was kind of nice. Mello going back to his old ways. It was irritatingly wonderful, thought Matt, that perhaps Mello was going to be able to forget the experience after all.

But would that mean he would no longer be needed? No longer desired as a protector? Just a friend who had stood by during his "tragedy"? Or would Mello forget that it ever happened and never remember what all Matt had done for him?

It seemed so farfetched, but with Mello, nothing was impossible.

Matt came to the conclusion that if Mello wanted to forget everything that had happened, the injuries and his rescue, that was alright. As long as Mello was happy that way.

~Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I apologize for the long wait. I'll make it up I promise. I've had work piling up that I needed to get done before it collapsed on me and suffocated me with its educational plastic bag.

Please Rate and Review

Also I am still accepting suggestions or requests of things you would like to see in the story as long as it fits the plotline. I'd like to keep my story with one plot rather than two parallel ones.

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


	7. Chapter 7

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: As weeks go by Mello's memories of the incident are seemingly being erased, or is he just putting them behind him for good? But either way, does that mean that Matt is being forgotten also?

Chapter Number: #7

Author Note: I know I promised some people that I would update in a week or two and I lied. I apologize. The holidays took away my concentration. Happy Holidays Everyone!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Matt woke up and Mello was gone, at one point this fact had been shocking and scary, but now it was merely common occurrence. Mello left early and came home late, just like he used to. He would go to undisclosed locations and refuse to answer any of Matt's calls which, in turn, began to irritate the redhead more than frighten him.

It wasn't difficult for Matt to figure out exactly where Mello would go when he would leave. He went to his gang's hideout. A place Matt had assumed, or hoped rather, that Mello would never go to again.

Mello was always a smooth talker, Matt knew that very well. In the past Mello was able to talk himself right out of trouble at Wammy's and was able to persuade Matt with words to abandon attraction to females for him. Literally talked him into changing his sexuality, though, even at the time Matt was unspeakably in love with the blonde and just hadn't realized the feelings for what they were. It wouldn't be hard for Mello to say that he had been gone for so long because of the Kira case or was captured by the government and was able to escape. The blonde was good at thinking on his feet and was able to make up stories quite easily.

Simply put, Mello was able to say whatever he wanted about the reason for his absence and only a genius like L would be able to recognize the lie.

Matt shook the tangles out of his hair and combed it down with his fingers and moved towards his dresser in search of relatively fresh clothes. Money was scarce due to neither of the two having a real job for the time being and even the rent payment was at the given moment an I.O.U. (Because Mello was able to talk the landlord into the deal of course.) Because of that there were no coins for the apartment's launder mat and Mello insisted that no change was needed because leather was to be washed by hand and no other way. Apparently he forgot that Matt did not wear leather.

Matt sat on the couch, utterly depressed because he could not play his games because the electric bill would be too high, or so Mello stated. This fact also prevented Matt from turning on lights or even the television at all. His gameboy had no batteries and try as he might he could not find enough money to buy a pack. They cost nearly five dollars and he, at the moment, only had two dollars and fifty cents. Mello seemed to have all of the money.

And with that money he bought chocolate and paid the cell phone bill and conveniently forgot about the rent or the electric bill or any of the other bills. Though it was cruel, Matt knew, he found himself hoping that Mello would immediately become diabetic and plummet back to Earth and remember that his lover also needed to eat and wasn't interested in chocolate or sweets. Hell, he hadn't even had a cigarette in over a week because he didn't have the money.

After sitting in silence for over three and a half hours, observing a lone ant as it crawled across the floor dismally; Matt stood from the couch and pulled on his coat. He pocketed his cell phone and made his way out of the apartment and into the city, wondering for a moment where he was going to go.

"I need a job," Matt said to the stagnant, wet, afternoon air. It had been raining all week and there were no signs of improvement in the near future. The assumption was based on instinct because he was not able to turn on the television to discover the real truth. "Or something," he stated glumly as he looked up at the crying sky.

He found himself wishing that Mello would stay at home more often like he had while recovering, but at the same time he wished that Mello do whatever made him happy. Matt wandered through the town and passed several stores with Help Wanted signs and Now Hiring signs and dismally decided that he would have to look harder if he didn't want to end up as a waiter or a cashier, yet manage to be paid under the table in cash so he wouldn't have to fill out any paperwork. He was certain that some place would be willing to meet his simple terms and allow him to work with the one thing he was good at: computers.

Mello had sarcastically remarked once in the past that Matt should work at an appliance store if he loved computers so much and wanted money. But Matt wasn't interested in sales. He was more interested in more productive things. Things like espionage and cyber terrorism, hacking. Something interesting like that. Not sales. Not "welcome to Bill's Computer Shop! How may I assist you?" No, that would just be boring.

He was good with computers, but bad with people. No, terrible with people. He hated them, now more than ever before. He hated children and their spoiled antics, and he hated adults and their pushy demands. If anything, he wanted to work without having to make contact with anyone. Work under a boss that he never had to see or even verbally communicate with.

But that was just a dull wish. Mello wanted to do all of the work these days. In fact, it almost appeared as if Mello just wanted Matt to stay at the house in the case that anything was to happen.

Actually, it was almost as if Mello just wanted Matt out of the way.

Matt knew he wanted Mello to forget about his tragedy, to forget about being hurt and used. But he didn't want Mello to forget that Matt was reliable and useful, not just a gamer who existed for sex and conversation. Things that, recently, there seemed to be less and less of between the two. He was almost sure that Mello was receiving these things from someone else. The thought made his very soul ache.

The dull ache soon turned to agitation and redhead continued to wander around the city watching lucky bastards smoke cigarettes outside of shopping centers. What he wouldn't do for just one drag. (Smoking being the only thing that Mello couldn't talk Matt out of.)

While standing outside of a convenience store, thinking earnestly about bursting through the door and stealing every pack of non-filtered cigarettes that he could reach, his phone began to ring and his thought process was shattered. He answered without a word and listened to the static more than he did his boyfriend's words.

Mello wanted to know if there was any chocolate left at the house. /Seriously,/ Matt thought bitterly. /Is that all he wants from me? To know if HIS food is in the house?/

"I don't know, I'm not there," Matt said, looking into the window of the convenience store.

"You're not? Where are you?" Matt could hear voices in the background talking about a person he didn't know.

"Nowhere that concerns you, Mello. If that's all you wanted then hang up." There was a moment of silence before the blonde spoke again. His voice sounded mildly upset.

"Matty. Are you mad?"

"Yes, Mello. I am. Now would you say what you need to say and get off the line?" He felt a growl rise in his throat but swallowed it before it could be muttered. He could not disrupt his chain of emotionless words with the sound.

"Well, why are you mad? Did I do something?"

"You've done a lot of things, Mello. There is no food in the house except for yours, my clothes are filthy, we have no money, the bills need paid or we won't have any electricity, and for Gods sake, I haven't had a cigarette in weeks yet you've had your chocolate." The emotions bit through, but scarcely. There was just enough anger brewing in his words to emphasize them and nothing more.

"Oh," Mello said softly. "I'm sorry. I forgot."

"You /forgot/?" Matt inquired in disbelief. "Forgot?"

"Yes," the blonde stated in a soft voice. Glances were being passed to him and he glared at the faces in response. He could not show weakness to the people whom he surrounded himself with. Not after being gone for so long.

"Well why not forget your address Mello, because we're not going to have a place if you don't get money like you promised! Why don't you forget that, and your name, and my name, and everything else!"

"I don't understand why you're getting so upset."

"Forget it, forget what I said." Matt hung up the phone and a sad voice whispered in his head. /After all, you've already forgotten about me./

Mello stared at the phone for a moment after the outburst and then turned it off. Some of the people around passed inquisitive looks at him and he didn't respond.

"What's up, Mello? Somethin' the matter?" a large man called Rod asked, Mello shook his head.

"My roommate is mad because I didn't pay the bills like I promised." Mello stretched his arms over his head and yawned.

"Can't be bothered?"

"Nah, it's not that." Mello looked nearly sheepishly at the floor, taking a bite of his chocolate as he did so. "Seems money is in low supply for us right now."

"Make the lazy ass get a job," Rod stated bluntly with a laugh.

"No, I want him at the house. I thought for sure there would be something around here for me to do upon my return, but so far it seems that nothing needs to be done." Mello passed a skeptic glance around the large, smoke-filled room.

"Right now we already have people fixing what needs fixed, but if you need some extra cash, you know what you gotta do." Mello let out a sigh and nodded.

"I know. I'll do what I have to."

"So how much money do you need?"

"For Matt's sake, I'd say almost a thousand." Rod's eyes seemed to bug out of his head for the moment, but then returned to the norm after a sip of his beer.

"That's all? Just for rent and bills right?" He laughed.

"No," Mello replied curtly. "Rent, bills, and classic luxuries. I'll do what I have to do."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Matt sat on the couch in the empty apartment. It had been three days since his fight with Mello, if it could really be called that, and he hadn't heard from him since. The landlord had already visited once and Matt stated that Mello had the money, but Mello was missing again. The landlord left grumbling.

The thought had crossed Matt's mind, Mello having been kidnapped again, but he refused to think about it. Once Mello returned to his mob Matt was most assured that the 'officers' were inexplicably dead. But he was sure that those two were not the last of their kind.

The phone rang at Matt leapt from his seat, ready to place his anger aside in the case that Mello was once again in danger.

"I paid the bills," said Mello's voice through the phone.

"What?" Matt could hardly believe it.

"I said, I paid the bills. Can I come home now?" His voice sounded tired at Matt was nervous.

"Yeah, Mello. You could've come home days ago."

"No, not after breaking my promise." Matt let out a sigh. The way that Mello was acting reminded him of how he was directly after the tragedy.

"Mello, you never promised to pay, I just expected it of you. Now come home." Matt hung up and waited by the door for his lover's return. Just by the sound of his voice Matt could tell that the blonde hadn't had a decent amount of sleep in the entirety of his absence. Or, perhaps, it hinted that he was injured. Matt had his assumptions that it was both.

~Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I apologize for the wait, again. I also apologize for the abrupt ending. It seems my region is getting thunderstorms now and I really don't want my computer to be zapped. Also, I'll be "vacationing" in Michigan starting tomorrow at 7:30 in the morning. So this is really all that I can manage for tonight.

Please Rate and Review

I am still accepting suggestions or requests of things you would like to see in the story as long as it fits the plotline!!! I really could use some of these please. If I had more ideas I'd update faster ;)

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


	8. Chapter 8

Title: S.O.S

Pairing: Matt X Mello

Rating: NC- 17

Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love

Summary: So what exactly has Mello been doing the last three days? And how will Matt react when he finds out? With anger or with shame?

Chapter Number: #8

Author Note: So I finally received an idea and I ran with it! While vacationing in Michigan I caught a terrible sore throat, but that doesn't affect my hands. (But it does give me an excuse to ignore the phone and write, though this is definitely not my favorite chapter.) This chapter finally contains something long awaited by some of you, and if I told you what it was it would ruin the chapter, so read and be amused.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mello stood in the doorway, shoulder's slumped and head drooping. He looked tired and almost fragile, like a porcelain puppet with its strings cut. Though Matt had a lot that he wanted to say to the blonde, he decided to put the words into storage and save them for another time. A time when Mello was rested and no so…what was the word….vulnerable looking.

"Mello, what happened?" That was all that Matt could get to cross his lips. No other words came to mind except for those. It was instinct now, to worry about Mello's wellbeing when before Mello could come home with blood pouring from him and Matt wouldn't even take an eye off of his video games. Now it was impossible to ignore Mello's suffering, and the blonde didn't even make an effort to hide it as he once had.

Mello shook his head and walked towards the couch where he let all of his weight crash down in one simple drop. His eyes remained closed even as Matt moved to sit on the floor in front of the couch to be closer to the man that he hadn't seen in days. For whatever reason, he began to feel a form of separation anxiety begin to grow within him.

He didn't want Mello to leave again, and he didn't want to let him out of sight either. Mello seemed to notice this as well.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so tired. You can talk to me, I just," he paused for a moment. /Can't look at me?/ Matt thought briefly. "Can't keep my eyes open." He rolled onto his side, closer to the edge of the couch and felt contently closer to the redheaded gamer.

"What exactly…have you been doing, Mello? I haven't seen you so tired in a long time."

"Ah, to pay the bills?" Matt nodded.

"Yes."

"Uh, firing guns and being unfaithful." Matt flinched.

"What exactly does that mean, Mello?" The blonde rolled over onto his other side in response. Curled into a place that he had once considered his 'spot.' "Mello. Don't ignore me."

"You know what it means. I did what had to be done." Matt couldn't believe what he was hearing, no, he didn't want to believe what he was hearing. Mello had been 'unfaithful' in his words, meaning that he'd had an affair. Or two. Or three. Or thirty. Or more so even. The thought made his insides burn.

"Mello, wh-why. Why'd you do that!?" He was trying to cover one emotion with another, but neither rage nor sadness was expressing him.

"The bills needed paid and it was all I could do. I killed one of the most hated mob leaders too which brought in over 400,000, and then I realized that I could come home."

"How many, people were you with before then?" He could barely force the thought into words and regretted them almost immediately after speaking them.

"Only four, I swear!" Matt cringed. Only four, Mello swore. Well, that wasn't many at all. To some, perhaps, but with Mello it wasn't unusual. He'd received the warning once Mello had called for him. He'd basically said 'watch out, I'm an unfaithful person', (because unfaithful was how Mello always stated it) and he agreed to stay in the relationship because he loved Mello more than he could anyone else. That, and he really wanted to see his adolescent friend again. "Don't be mad, okay?"

"Don't worry, I'm not mad." Mello let out a sigh and Matt glanced at him, wondering and thinking over all of the things that he would be able to say to the blonde without provoking and undesired reaction.

"Then what are you?" Mello rolled onto his back but kept his eyes closed. Matt wondered what could be hiding in those eyes. What emotions? There was no way he was just 'too tired' to keep them open.

"I don't know." Matt looked around the room and listened to the silence, trying to clear emotion from his mind. Mello had told him then of his habits, at the very beginning, so why was it so hurtful this time? Perhaps it was because Matt wanted to be the only one around after the incident. To become someone special rather than just another man. Another lover.

Then a new thought dawned on him after Mello had long since fallen asleep. It was his own fault that Mello was with those four people. Had he put his own pride on the shelf and gotten an average job doing something he could pay the bills while Mello was waiting for hit lists to develop and socially recovering from the incident. He knew that he should've done his fair share of the work. But he didn't. Thus, he had no real reason to be upset.

"Mello?" Matt nudged the sleeping man gently, not sure if he wanted to wake him or not. Mello stirred but his eyes did not open. "Mello!" Said man groaned and opened his eyes slowly.

"What? What do you want?" Mello looked at him and Matt grinned a little extracting a nearly nervous look from the blonde. "What? Quit looking at me like that!" Mello moved himself into a sitting position and watched the redhead carefully.

"Why?" Matt moved from the floor to the couch and sat closer to his love.

"Because it's really creepy." Mello leaned his head against Matt's shoulder and the gamer responded heartily by petting Mello's hair gently.

"I'm sorry then." Mello gently kissed Matt's cheek and slowly allowed his eyes to go closed. "Ah, come on, Mello. You can't be that tired."

"Well I am, what are you going to do about it?" Matt began to grin and Mello opened his eyes in time to see it. "Or do I not want to know?" Matt placed a soft kiss on the blonde's lips, silencing him for the moment.

"I think you already know." Mello moved to kiss Matt deeper nearly surprising the redhead who at one point was used to the action.

"Yeah, I think I do." Mello smiled softly and Matt nuzzled his neck slowly. Matt grabbed gently at the zipper of Mello's shirt and checked the blonde's reaction before proceeding to undo and remove the garment. They'd been intimate before, but Matt was always cautious.

Always.

It was not long before Mello too began pulls at Matt's clothes and eventually they had both wormed their way nude and were each making nearly forceful movements to become closer to the other.

There was hardly an exchange of words between them. 'I love you' was no long a necessity to Mello, proving that he was steadily recovering from the last bits of his trauma, and as for Matt, well, he was used to hardly hearing it at all. The thought made him nearly ecstatic; things were finally returning to the way that they had once been.

Actually, the only thing that seemed different was how quiet Mello was. At one point he was almost dramatic with the noise that he would make, but after the incident all sounds were strictly withheld unless the feeling was unbearable.

Matt observed his love's reaction one last time before pressing inside of him slowly. Mello's breath hitched slightly and his body tensed for a mere fraction of a second before the blonde moved in to capture a very deep and passionate kiss.

Matt began thrusting gently and Mello squirmed just slightly. He began breathing heavily and locked his eyes with those of Matt. Matt moved his hand to the blonde's member and stroked it gently, momentarily missing the moan used to escape the soft lips at the moment of contact.

Soon Mello began thrusting into the hand in time with the gamer's movements and writhed ever so slightly on the couch's firm cushions. A small noise escaped his lips and Matt replied with a deep kiss and began thrusting harder and faster. Matt thought for a moment of how these simple actions seemed nearly impossible when he'd seen Mello after the incident. After witnessing the wounds caused by these same motions, driven by the same instincts, the simple act appeared to have been forbidden.

He then wondered, while Mello whispered inaudible words and sounds, how it was that someone could engage in an act that could bring such unearthly pleasures to each person involved and forcefully keep all feelings of ecstasy and gratification to himself. To harm the other in order to prevent him from feeling anything pleasurable. How was that?

Mello began panting as he neared his climax and Matt responded by deepening his thrusts and rubbing his lover's member more quickly allowing the friction to send the blonde over the edge; spilling his seed onto his own love's chest. As the muscles in the body beneath him contracted, the gamer too felt the marvelous sentiment of ecstasy to build within him. And as he released he had one final thought while observing the pleasure filled face of his only love.

How could someone steal all of the pleasure away from such an act, when in its aftermath it could leave such a saintly and gorgeous face?

~Alice von Wonderland

Closing Note: I leave this chapter as a New Years gift to all of my readers. (I did have it done two days ago, on the 29th, but I decided to save it as a gift, though I could've posted it then…Oh well, Happy New Years!) I apologize if it seems a bit crummy and annoying or redundant at the beginning. I don't know what was wrong with my brain but it just wasn't delivering the thoughts that I had and it was agitating me.

As you know I can't just make it a lemon and leave it at that, I have to make it emotional or reasonable somehow and I hope this shows that. I wanted it to actually condemn the rape in someway I guess, like a moral maybe? (My brain still isn't producing my thoughts right.) Anyway, make of it what you will and enjoy your New Year and stick to those resolutions everyone!

Please Rate and Review

I am still accepting suggestions or requests of things you would like to see in the story as long as it fits the plotline. I'll make fantasies come true because, if you can see, the fic is coming to an end. (Hopefully at chapter ten because I hate odd numbers.)

Until next time

Alice Von Wonderland

R&R


End file.
